Alternatively: The Poo-poo Police.
We've lived in our neighborhood for more than three years. Our house is, admittedly, not the finest example of a homestead in the world – yet, we have great pride in it and the surrounding area. That means when I walk my dog, I don't let her dump on my neighbors' yards. Well, not since I grew a conscience about it anyway. But I digress ...
There's an old dude one street over who is a one-man Poo Patrol. I've never been formally introduced to the guy, mainly because when he sees me and my dog, the only thing he says is, "You'd better pick up the poop. Scoop it up." This has happened at least three times.
Last night, he was out walking his dog at the same time, passing in the other direction. He gave me the same speech. "You'd better pick up the poop. You'd better not leave poop in these yards." Good grief, I bet this guy gets really uptight at the zoo, which is a virtual Poopfest – or Poopalooza if you will.
I gestured behind me while challenging him, "You can check every yard. You won't find any poop from her!" She'd already pooped – not in anyone's yard – and the result had been dealt with. I bit my tongue and decided not to say, "Well, she just left a juicy, steamy pile in your yard. My bag wasn't big enough to contain it, so I put it in your mailbox." Figured that wouldn't be diplomatic, even though one good turd deserves another.
The challenge fell flat. In addition to being on diligent Dung Duty, he might be hard of hearing. But he continued to shout at me about poop when he was a block away.
Few people like poo in any form. It is waste after all, and poo is especially heinous when you don't know where it came from. If there's strange poo in my yard, I get annoyed but I deal with it. Sometimes life hands you poo. What can you do? I mean, I come face-to-face with poo when changing a diaper or emptying the Diaper Genie® (I tried rubbing it and making a wish, but there was still poo inside when I looked). I may joke about it, but do I complain? Heck no!
I never want to be a party pooper like Sheriff Stool Sample. Yes, it's important to clean up after your pets. Yes, I know I know I know. But mind your business (and your own dog's), and let me mind mine (and my own dog's). That way the world will spin a little easier, bird will sing happy songs, grass will be unbrowned by contraband "loads," and I won't have to write about Gomer Pile anymore!
Your new name for the Cutlet should be "Winnie the Poo."
:P
who would have thunk it....such a fantastic story....simply over poo.
Incidentally, I still feel like poo. This post reminded me of the pooem you left in my comments the other day!
what would you do without that old guy telling you the rules?!?!?! there'd be poo freakin' everywhere.
"I'm sorry sir, did you say something about keeping your hair blue??? or were you saying something about poo???"
You just liked saying "poo" as you were typing it...lol