Did you see where Britney “Pickle” Spears and Christina Aggravate-ya kissed Madonna during a performance at the MTV Video Music Awards? I don’t know what the fuss is. Who hasn’t kissed Madonna? Anyway ...
Being gay (or acting gay, see previous paragraph) is so hot right now. Controversy swirling around the subject is a perpetually hot topic. Talking about gay marriage, gay priests and gay whatever stirs some deep inner feelings on both sides of the coin. But I’ll avoid the hot-button issues and dive into the shallow water. It’s Friday before a holiday weekend, after all.
You may have seen or heard about this show. If you haven’t, it features five homosexual men who give a “culture-deprived” straight guy a life makeover. That would include rearranging the poor sap’s fashion sense, his living space and myriad other things he is apparently doing wrong. Ta-dah! Another metrosexual is born.
The five stars of the show are fashion experts, but not simply because they are gay. In fact, I think sexual orientation has little to do with hipness.
For example, there’s a little dude in our office who is gay. He’s worked here for years. His office is next to mine. Painfully nice guy. In my mind I call him the office-supply fairy – not as an insult – but because all you have to do is wish for something and he can find it.
OSF: “Oh my, T-bone, you’ve rearranged your office.”
TT: “Yep. I wanted a change. You know, though, I’m going to have to get an extension cord for my computer. The plug’s over here.”
OSF walks away, and three minutes later, I have an extension cord.
TT: “Thanks, OSF! You know, I’ve kind of been craving a lemon meringue pie, the kind my mom used to make. That sure would be good!”
OSF walks away, and an hour later, I have a fresh-baked pie. (I wish!)
I like OSF and treat him with friendliness and respect, but sometimes I wonder how some straight talk could help his life ...
Straight Eye Fashion Tips
1. Baseball caps and earrings don’t really match in our book, but if you’re gonna wear a hat, make it a trucker’s hat with a bitchin’ 18-wheeler rig on it.
2. Pink may be the new red, but that pink-and-turquoise shirt makes you look like a birthday cake. Tone it down a little, buster.
3. The sandals have to go here at work, too. Not a good look, buddy, even on casual day.
Straight Eye Decor
1. Hey, any man can appreciate a muscle-bound, toned and oiled-up male bodybuilder. However, that big poster behind your desk here at work is freaking me out.
2. You like nicknacks. I respect that. But your desk is starting to look like grandma’s living room. That clean, clutter-free modern look will help you get more work done and help unclog your mind.
3. I hate that clock with the birds on it that chirps every hour. When you’re not looking, I’m going to use it for skeet. No hard feelings toward you.
Straight Eye Lifestyle Tips
1. At least once a week, but usually more, some part of your car breaks down and you’ve got to take it to the mechanic. Hey man, I don’t know how to fix my car by myself, either. The point is, your jalopy isn’t worth the frustration. Buy a newer car. Make it a Honda. You’ll be much more relaxed and spend less time fussing about your wheels.
2. You are losing weight, and that’s cool! But it’s by diet alone. I know you had a heart attack (way to go on not smoking anymore!), so maybe a moderate exercise regimen of walking – talk to your doctor first – will help make you feel even healthier. Maybe even a short spin on a bike a few times a week, too!
3. Don’t spend so much time on your yard. You come in after a long weekend and you say that’s all you did the whole time. Take some time for yourself. Ring up that friend you mentioned and have a nice dinner and a movie. The grass will wait.
These tips just scratch the surface. I mean, if I enlisted the help of four other straight guys, we could have the OSF acting straighter than John Wayne at a tractor pull. Really, though, it’s best to live and let live, and let each person be the individual he (or she) wants to be. I don't fear most changes, but when it comes to who I am, I'm partial to the me I am now. Took me about 30 years to get here, and although the Fashion Police do have a warrant for my arrest, I'm OK my sense of style.
And with that, have a happy weekend everyone. Be yourself!
I was thinking that show might be more popular if they were five hot women making over a straight guy! But I guess guys already have that, huh? DATING! *hee hee*
Real men chew Coppenhagen! Like at the tractor pulls!
He probably has a crush on the mechanic.
I'd like to see a show with five rednecks remaking a flaming queen of a man. Now that would be interesting...I have a few friends (queens not rednecks) who might step up to the challenge..hehe.
I agree with Allison! Heh, I used to have a teacher that wore these terrible, terrible shirts every week. The one that I thought of when you mentioned the pink and turquoise shirt was the button-down one my teacher had with pastel yellow, pink, blue, and green stripes, like a pin-stripe look, that he would wear waaaayyyy too often. Some of the stuff he wore was just scary.
Beiges, browns, blues, greys and black. That's about it for colours in clothing....if he needs fashion advice.
T-Bone, I love that show, if only for the one liners from the fab 5. Did you see the one where the long haired surfer guy had them fix him up (and the apartment) just so he could ask his girlfriend to move in with him? They really liked him, and he tried so hard...and then the girlfriend showed up and she was a nasty, tacky little thing. She was mean to him, and the guys were hysterical watching her. I believe my favorite line was uttered when they saw her walking in black, lace-up platform boots..."Uh, a hooker from Trenton called and she wants those boots back". Okay, maybe you had to be there.
i was looking forward to a show called "gothic eye for the dead guy" where five goths(lord doral,lilith,malbosia,lord strahn, and aeowynith) would makeover people into the "gothic style" using a lot of clown white, crushed red velvet, and black #1 hair dye.
i'm not sure how far along it is especially since the goths are too busy acting depressed with their own mortality to stop writing poetry and listening to bauhaus and actually get anything filmed. damn shame really.
Oh MY!!!!
Yes! Yes! Yes!!!
Just say NO to "Mandals"... Guys wearing sandals to work just FREAKS me out...
Had a guy wearing a dressy shirt and pants and some weird casual sandals ("mandals")...
It was like trying NOT to look at an eclipse...
PS --> Happy BIRTHDAY!!!