By now you’ve heard about the “worst electricity blackout in history” that unplugged the northeastern United States and a few Canadian cities. About 50 million people had to watch TV by candlelight because of it, if they reached their homes at all. But have you heard the real reasons behind the blackout?
1. Bloggers in the northeast got wind of a Texas T-Bone redesign and logged on to the blog en masse, causing a power surge that took out the whole power grid.
2. New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was seeking to enter the Guiness Book of World Records by creating the world’s largest ant farm, so he cut the power, forcing New Yorkers to take to the streets. He fell short of the record by about 1,000 ants, er – I mean, people.
3. A certain presidential administration, feeling the brunt of growing disfavor of U.S. involvement in Iraq, decided to take offensive action by cutting the power and blaming another country. That way public sentiments will support our invasion of Canada, which will happen in exactly 26 days.
4. Canadians, who were almost out of anti-American jokes, cut the power and started blaming the United States. Now there is enough fodder to keep ‘em rolling in the aisles for at least a year, eh?
5. A janitor at a Niagra power plant meant to turn out the lights, but flipped the wrong switch.
6. Comedian Carrot Top, about to perform at Sunny’s Sunset Lounge in Detroit, plugged in his high-powered hair dryer while we was popping microwave popcorn. Zap! Doesn’t it feel good to blame Carrot Top?
7. Somebody forgot to pay the bill. And it’s a reaaaally big bill.
8. The New York Mets sabatoged the power grid so they wouldn’t have to lose another game right away.
9. Some stupid kid was flying the world’s largest kite too close to the power lines again. The resulting jolt from the entanglement was enough to down the power grid, and make the electrofied kid an expert in molecular biology.
10. Producers of a certain reality-based TV show decided to test how Survivor: Manhattan would play on national TV. Then they went outside, ate some worms and voted themselves off the island.
11. New Jersey wanted to finally look like a better place to live than New York. For a few hours, the signs welcoming people to the state said, “We have electricity ... nanny-nanny-boo-boo!”
12. That crazy radio newsman Less Nessman on WKRP in Cincinatti thought it would be fun to relive that time the station dropped live turkies from a helicopter for a Thanksgiving promotion. Except this time, the turkies were accidentally dropped onto a power plant. No electricty, but good eatin’ for months.
13. Canadian Mountie Dudley Doright couldn’t untie Polly Pureheart from the tracks in time to stop her certain death from an oncoming electric-powered train, so he turned off the electricity. Snidely Whiplash is foiled again!
14. No real reason; power just goes out sometimes.
15. The Unabomber, from his federal prison cell, decided to teach the country a lesson about man’s unhealthy reliance on technology.
Have a wonderful weekend, during which I hope the air is cool, the ice cream unmelted and Carrot Top is nowhere near you.
T-bone, get outta my head!
We were on a conf call yesterday at work talking about the outage and I said #5. That the Janitor at Niagara Mohawk station shut off the light switch when he left the room... Didn't see the "Don't shut off" sign or the duct tape that attempted to leave it in an on position.
I liked #12 too! Though I didn't watch that many WKRPs, (Loni Anderson drove me nuts -- ugh), I did catch the Thanksgiving episode w/Les Nessman dropping the turkeys!!! Classic!!!
T-Bone you crack me up! I'm certain it was either #3 or #11... damn Jersey-ites... Jersey will NEVER be a better place to live than NY. Just give it up already. I finally have power back this morning!!!!
Tbone - you crack my shit up! What a great post!
Don't blame me....I just do AT&T commercials for free man.....you might have mistaken me for the Wendy's girl (ha ha....that's my funniest joke)!
LOL... interesting ideas you have... cause for laughter! Thanks for placing a smile on my face, T-bone.
I like number one the best. T-Bone...you slay me.
If I had a brain like you,
T-Bone....I'd stay at home and play with it all day long.
Every time I see Carrot Top, I cringe. I dearly feel sorrow for the woman that sleeps with him. And why does she do it? Is it love or money? Thats got to be the grossest man ever in the history of the world.
O! I dearly hope the person who used your credit card suffers from genital warts, too. And I hope Carrot Top rapes him. And I hope what ever he bought at Sears breaks immediately and he didnt buy a service agreement. And I hope that his car gets repossessed. And I hope that he has termites in his house.
Um, T, You can't watch TV by candle light in a blackout.
So THAT'S why! I just thought the media ran out of things to report about...
I liked the idea of watching TV (and blogging) by candlelight. Once upon a time, little Abe Lincoln read by candlelight. Now, we can watch "Queer eye for the straight guy" in the same way!
I don't know how you find the time between work, petitie filet and the baby to think up lists like this. Obviousally they don't keep you occupied enough!
loved #11
Thank heaven someone had the nerve to come out and say what we were all thinking - that this mess was Carrot Top's fault. You are a stand up guy, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I vote for no. 5. Still can't believe this power outage happened to you guys.
OMG T-Bone you crack me up and I think it is most certainly #1 the reason the power went out LOL
Hey! The new place looks great. Been out of town and just got back today. Vacation from hell and just barely missed the blackout up east.
Ha! Ha! I vote for #1.
I remember an island wide blackout on the island of Oahu in Hawaii in 1991 (I think...or was it 92?). A cane fire got too close to a transmission line and the whole island lost power.
Unbelievable!
Nice new digs. Still too tired to read.
Yawn...
I am sooooooo glad I was in Cali!!!
More than a few canadian cities like 20 million candians had no power!