//CATS VS. DOGS//
Even merely titling this post “Cats vs. Dogs” opens a can of worms akin to Ford vs. Chevy, Coke vs. Pepsi, The Frosted Side vs. The Crispy Wheat Side, Yellow M&M vs. Red M&M, Mac vs. PC, Democrat vs. Republican, Laurel vs. Hardy, the list goes on ... No one ever wins these comparative debates. Your preference is determined by things like upbringing and experiences, which are both from your past and by definition pretty hard to change.
The following list tries hard to be fair to our feline friends and canine buddies. But I readily admit to having a bias.
1. Few would-be burglars have been thwarted by the meowing of cats.
2. Dogs require commitment to take them outside when nature calls; cats need only a box of sand.
3. Dogs greet you at the door. Cats don’t realize you were gone and, frankly, wonder why you’re back.
4. Cats bathe themselves. After bathing most dogs, you’ll need to take a shower yourself.
5. Dogs forgive. Cat’s never forget.
6. Dogs bring you the paper. Cats bring you dead mice.
7. Dogs give you reasons to go outside and enjoy the day. Cats offer excuses to stay inside and cuddle.
8. Hairballs vs. Slobber. Your choice.
9. Kittens are cute and cuddly. Puppies – while cute – poop, pee and barf all over your floor.
10. You know it’s kitty mating season while they’re in the act; dogs are sneaky enough so that you don’t know until there are six little pups following your dog around calling her “Momma”
11. Owners train their dogs; cats train their humans.
12. Garfield vs. Odie; Heathcliff vs. Marmaduke; Morris vs. Scooby Doo. Sure, the cats are smarter, but the dogs are much bigger in two out of three cases and would win in a smackdown.
13. A single guy with a cat can’t look cool walking it in the park; a single guy with the right dog is a studly chick magnet.
14. Dogs are bipolar. Cats are manic-depressive.*
15. A dog’s love is unconditional. Cats are often afraid to love and would rather just be friends.
I know these are generalizations and don’t necessary reflect the traits of your sweet Siamese Mr. Fluffniggles or your beloved beagle Nerfbeetle. Own a healthy sampling of either beast, though, and you’ll begin to see a pattern.
Did I leave something out? Want to make a case for your favorite? Prefer fish? Don’t care? Don’t pout, give me a shout-out!
*Note: the aforementioned behaviors are serious mental conditions and are not to be taken lightly when humans are afflicted. However, when your pet exhibits symptoms of either it’s pretty darn funny.
