Wastetimus, genie of the Internet, has granted you three wishes. However, they will only come true if you have the most fabulous weekend you can muster. The following are suggestions from Wastetimus for having a great time.
1. Plan a vacation. Even if it's a long way off, it will make you feel better to have a goal.
2. Eat more jalapenos and drink more beer. Lip balm is good for your rear when you've done too much of both.
3. Tell at least five strangers they look nice this weekend. Lie if you have to.
4. Two words: table dance.
5. Don't think about how much you hate your job.
6. Call up a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Don't e-mail them (see No. 8).
7. Go somewhere you never have, like a library, museum or park. Would it kill you to enjoy the finer things in life?
8. Stop looking at the freakin' Internet and go outside! It's b-yootiful out there, but you wouldn't know it because your nose is pressed against your monitor. On that note, shouldn't you be looking at porn or used cars or something? I mean, come on! This blog is good for an occasional chuckle at work, but it's the weeeekend!
9. Blow off your blog. Monday is for catching up on posts, reading other peoples' posts.
10. Log on to this blog a few times next week whenever you're really really bored.
Now, once you've done these 10 things, you are guaranteed a great weekend (or your money back).
