Recently in Various and Sundry Category

This whole setting boundaries thing forced me to apply my words this weekend. After spending upwards of 10 - 12 hours most days in the last two weeks at my daughter's Band Camp to prepare and serve food in the morning and fit uniforms and run errands for the Directors in the afternoon, I was asked to use my Sunday to work a 14 hour grueling shift at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway working as a runner delivering beverages to the suites during the race. Oh, I know you think that sounds exciting, but you can't image the fatigue at the end of the day.

Isn't that how the saying goes? We've been talking about managing high maintenance (HM) people in our lives with Buffy and friends at Arrrgh!!! (I'd make this a link, but I'm temporarily brain dead.)

I was asked about creating boundaries in relationships that take a heavy toll on us. That's when I thought about the old saying that I've used in my title. So the question is how do you create a "good fence"? Let me suggest one idea by example.

My daughter, a senior, is Band Captain this year and is in the last week of Band Camp. She is also Section Leader for the Clarinet section. It's a busy hectic two weeks. Many new students rely on her for information to survive the two weeks, but she is not used to so many needing her attention. There are two new members in particular who tap into her pretty heavily each day. Ironically, these two members are also clarinet players. We have talked about the role of leaders - the importance of patience and kindness, especially with new people.

I explained that sometimes people are high maintenance because they are insecure. For this reason, I suggusted to her that when she is approached by these students that she turn to face them, given them unerring eye contact, paraphrase what they say to her to be sure THEY know she understands them, and maybe even touch their shoulder if they are anxious. Finally, she should give them a complete answer to their question, then excuse herself to move somewhere else or to someone else. Once the eye contact is broken and the body language says, "I'm done talking to you for this moment, that person probably will get the idea.

I think it is important to give complete attention to the HM person for the moment they demand your attention. It reassures them that you care and that you respect their need for your attention. BUT, by making the conversation as short as possible, as completely tuned in as you can, then physically moving on sets the tone that you can't be accessed in an unlimited way.

There are others who will follow you around or just not understand that the conversation ended. In my classroom, they feel like groupies. It's odd . . . 7th graders are apt to do this more than others, but if I've had an older student several years, it is not unusual to have an 11th or 12th grader "hanging" out with me throughout the day. As a teacher, I have learned to create a professional friendship with my students. I'm pretty relaxed with the students - I call them "my kids" even though I have kids of my own. We talk about a myriad of topics, many of them personal to the students. But there is a clear boundary. I don't share their edgy language and I don't use profanity around them. I don't usually meet them socially in public, but I will attend their games or plays. I expect them to respect a physically appropriate distance, but I will hug a student in distress. I'll give them anything they truly need from desk, locker or purse, but they may not help themselves. And they know that I put my children first before work - always. They understand implicitly that many are there because their parents did not. So, it is expected that I will make my children's needs my priority. Still, I share much of my private life so they can see a different family perspective. Perhaps later on they will make different choices for their own family if they know there are alternatives to what they live now.

I love my students. I don't always like their behavior, but they know that I'm a forgiving person. Yet, I expect them to deal with consequences to inappropiate choices. I don't play victim to them any more than I do to anyone else. If I'm lied to or stolen from, I confront lovingly, but firmly. If I'm disrepected, we talk privately.

Isn't Dr. Phil that popularized the saying, "You teach people how you want to treated"? You have to ask for what you need. If you need space or time, you say, "Give me a minute" or "I'll get back with you."

I've had the most enlightening experience. And yet, I'm not all the way through the end of this - so in some respects, I keep waiting for the other foot to drop.

When have you ever heard someone say that they had a really good experience with their insurance company?

Quit laughing! I'm not kidding!

My youngest daughter (16 1/2) decided to go into our little town for a vanilla coke about 10 days ago and was rear-ended by a woman who never even hit her brakes. She had stopped for the four-way blinker and proceeded through - I imagine thinking about her trip to Chicago for the weekend - and didn't see that my young one was stopped waiting for traffic to pass in order to make a left hand turn. We figure that the woman's speed was about 25 or 30 mph at impact.

Young One (YO) is okay. She was shaken up, had a bad headache and sore neck for a few days, but she is fun. (I've teased her about being a little more blonde than usual. Unfortunately, that was more true that you could know! The impact has affected her memory a tad.) The car on the other hand - the new one, the one that I've only owned for 2 months, the one I hadn't even sent the first check to the bank on yet - yeah that one . . . 9300 dollars in damages!

My carrier is USAA and the lady who hit us is insured through Encompass. I want to say that both companies have been wonderful. They have been infinitely patient as we navigate the legalities and paperwork. Both have ensured that the car is getting fixed quickly and have called several times to ask after YO's health. Both have answered plenty of questions without the slightest hint that they would not pay for this or that.

This process has been more complex that I expected. I have not ever experienced an accident involving another driver which involved the insurance companies, nor where there was an injury. As I've said, the paperwork is plentiful.

It's a nice feeling to know that an insurance company can take care of business in a caring way. I've never gotten the feeling that their "bottom line" is more important that my child's health or the repair of my car. Yeah!

My freshman English class was reading an expository text on this subject with the intent of writing a summarization of the one-page article. (Personally, I think one page on the topic couldn't scratch the surface, but with such little attention span it's probably best.) It noted that some bad listening habits included 1) preparing your response as you are listening, 2) daydreaming, and 3) listening selectively.

If you read my last post, you'll note that this is a hot issue in my family. Being an inveterate problem-solver, I have set about to improve how we communicate. One solution I've suggested came as a bit of epiphany as I'm shouting a retort to my beloved that I ought to write every "beepin'" thing I say down on a piece of paper for him . . .

Yeah, I know you know what I'm saying.

My solution? I've taken a standard spiral bound notebook, labeled it The Family Log, and initiated its use yesterday. We will write down notes to each other such as incoming phone messages, whether or not the dog has been out for her morning constitutional and has been fed, comments about changes in daily schedules, requests such as those from our daughters for the usual - money, field trip requests, notes to attendance secretaries, etc. and other such mundane things.

Of course, this wonderful idea didn't help when I discovered that my daughters took the bus today inspite of the fact one of them has a doctor's appointment after school and now will be late if I don't drive 30 minutes north to pick her up thereby screwing up my afternoon to run errands. This would have been a good day for her to remember that I told her to drive and to take her little body to the office so that I can meet her there.

Welcome to my life.

The first is a book called The Alchemist by Paulo Caelho, a Brazilian author, whose book is an allegorical tale of finding your life's "treasure" and enjoying the path to its discovery. A fast read, this book isn't terribly subtle about its claims to wisdom. Still, I enjoy the reminders of a lifetime of lessons in such a small volume. What I enjoyed the most was the reminder that sometimes WE'RE the reason we don't find that treasure - we're our own worst enemy. Lack of confidence, self-imposed distractions, listening to negative people, and ill-focused dreams have tripped me up from time to time. I sensed that as the main character dealt with all of these, there was a freedom unleashed. That freedom to believe, to hope, is attractive to me - perhaps as attractive as the dream itself.

The second is an article from the December 2006/January 2007 issue of the magazine, MORE, a magazine written for women 40 and above. I really like this magazine - relevant to my life at this time and inspiring. The article is called "10 Things to Know Before You Change Your Life" by Susan Crandell, the author of a book called Thinking About Tomorrow. The article seemed to mirror the advice in The Alchemist. Ms. Crandell shares retrospective wisdom about what she calls "reinventing" yourself - that desire for a second (or third) career, the drive to do what you've always wanted to do, the culmination of that moment when you realize you are not any longer doing what you were meant to do. She offers an apt metaphor for the confidence necessary to move on. She says to "picture how effortlessly chimps move through the trees. As they swing one arm forward they let go with the other; they know they'll be able to grab the next branch." What do we need to "let go" of in order to move freely to the next stop, step, or milestone? Do we need to let go of other's expectations of us? What about stuck-in-a-rut behaviors? And, self-doubt?

That's just one of her insights - there are nine more. They are impressive examples of deep-dive thinking - soul searching at its best. And worth the distraction on your way to your treasure.

I've often thought that retirement is not the time for the rocking chair and knitting needles. It is my opportunity to do one more thing I've always wanted to pursue. With undistracted confidence, with belief that an old dog can learn new tricks, and a sound ignorance toward badly behaving people, I will reinvent myself some day.

Well, what do you think? I was looking for a background that would allow me to post pictures without the underlying graphic showing through. I think this'll do it. Now, I have to remember how to post those pictures again!

I've been thinking about topics to post about. Our impending snow storm just may be the opportunity to do that. (Teachers LOVE snow days!!) I do have some grading that will need my attention and I just started Barak Obama's book The Audacity of Hope, so there's competition for my bloggin time. I figure if I get to the computer first thing in the morning, I'll beat my teenagers to it and I'll grind a few thoughts out.

What are YOU reading these days??

Ever been on the Weight Watchers diet? I've been grousing about a "few" extra pounds that have insisted on taking up residence along my hips and tummy. (Don't laugh, okay? Like YOU never thought it would happen either, right??)

A friend of mine at work and I joined last week. I'm following the Flex plan - counting points. (I'm also following the guidelines of the Sonoma diet which is the way I'd like to learn to eat when I shift to maintenance.) Very painless, and at least this week I haven't been hungry. I lost 3.6 pounds at my weigh-in yesterday. Yeah, me! Except that my friend only lost a pound, and I think she's a little upset. I'd give her my loss if it would encourage her.

I taped pictures of cute swim suits on my bathroom mirror and hung my favorite pair of shorts - ones that I can't get into at the moment - right where I have to look at them everyday. I never go anywhere without my diary and my points book. I think having to write everything down is very convicting, just as weighing in at Weight Watchers once a week. Can't cheat.

Still, I plan to allow myself one day when I don't write down points and I don't worry about what I'm eating. The only rule is that I don't eat unless I'm hungry. I think you have to allow yourself whatever treat you desire on occasion, or you become victimized by "the rules".

Yep, Panera's 4 cheese souffle. 12 points. I ate it all. I didn't remorse over the points. Interestingly enough, I enjoyed it without guilt and wasn't really hungry the rest of the day. No fretting, just enjoyed the creamy goodness.

My friend and I agreed that we would stay on this for three months. From now until April 12th. My goal is to lose 15 pounds in 12 weeks. My husband and I have talked about a "little" vacation to a sunny spot with white sand and blue ocean. I'm hoping for a new bathing suit . . . something little.

Well, I didn't tell anybody, but you know how a secret gets out in a family. California never had such a fierce wildfire! Last week on Friday, I had surgery on my left leg. This will be the second time in 9 years to remove varicose veins. I wasn't really keen on it, except that this constellations of veins were causing a good deal of discomfort.

The surgery went fairly quickly. The surgeon closed off the main vein feeding the varicosities using laser technology. This wasn't done the first time and caused a pooling of intramuscular bleeding. My bruises were huge and took weeks to fade. After sealing this vein from groin to knee, he then removed the offending veins from the knee to the ankle.

I was sent home to keep my leg elevated for a few days. I recall that the first time we did this, I had to wear comprehesion hose for one month. This was a cinch compared to last time. My wounds were wrapped in guaze and then tightly wrapped with a huge ace bandage. I had to keep the ace on until Tuesday morning, then return for an ultrasound to ensure that the surgery was effective and that there were not blood clots.

All good. Except that I found that I was weak as a puppy the first two days back at work. I don't quite remember that part happening last time. I'm not THAT much older. REALLY. I didn't have to challenge my energy the first few days since I was supposed to have my leg elevated. But chasing middle schoolers and enduring vigorous debate with high schoolers just wore me out!

I'm feeling much better and looking forward to getting back to my walking. I know, I know . . . start slow and work up.

My New Year has brought about its usual activity. I'm so predictable. I like to have a clean slate when I begin something and a new year is no different. Okay, so you probably know about my cleaning frenzy on New Year's Eve. As is custom in my family, I waited until Epiphany to remove my Christmas decorations, pack them away, and clean my house again readying it for my "winter decorations". I'm not Catholic and honestly, I don't think Epiphany has ever been mentioned in my church, but it is on the calendar and it gives me a reason to allow decorations to linger a bit longer in my house.

Epiphany is a day some cultures recognize the coming of the Wise Men to see the baby Jesus. Some recognize it as the day Jesus was baptized; still other celebrate this day as the true Christmas. It is also the day after the 12th day of Christmas. We usually reserve this day to remove the decorations from the tree and haul it to the burn pile for a magnificent pyre.

My house is down to simple decorations and clean surfaces. I'm a snowman fanatic, so they appear in various places in the house along with gilded pinecones and red candles. I love the KISS philospophy of decorating at this time of year.

Another thing that I've done is to renew my commitment to fitness.

This should have been listed under "Are you Kidding" . . .

The last few New Year's Eve celebrations have been hosting teens. This year our teen daughters opted to celebrate with friends, leaving us alone. (We celebrated the night before with friends.)

Now, how many of you cleaned house last night? I'm mean, really gutted a room and cleared junk? I had a great time! So did my husband and he hit more areas than I did! He cleaned off his desk and the workbench in the garage. (He was motivated to create space to do taxes as well as to set up a new drill.)

I have a large utility room that serves as laundry, craft, storage and "office" area. I gutted the closet, went through every box and cabinet, dusted and mopped and ran three loads of laundry. When I was finished I had taken three large bags to the garbage can, six bags to the garage for The Annual Garage Sale, and sent two boxes to my daughter, the artist's room.

Okay, I'm wierd, but I can't think of a better way to begin the new year than cleaning and organizing the core of your home from which all your energy, dreaming, creativity, and effective momentum orginates.

For my wierd way of starting the new year, I have created clarity. From clarity, I have hope and vision for 2007. I wish the same for you!

Happy New Year!

Can you hear Jack Nicholson in the Stephen King film "The Shining"?

Okay, it's not that scary that I've returned! I've been gone four and a half months and I'm grateful to our host that she's seen fit to allow me to hibernate.

My hiatus began with Band Camp in mid-July. I volunteered in the kitchen all morning until 1:30 the first week. We fed 125 students and staff incredible lunches each day. By the second week, my duties as Uniform mom began. I spent more than 45 hours that week organizing and fitting band kids.

My two lovely teenage girls are in their second week of high school band camp. This is usually an all-day affair, five days a week, a Saturday parade, for two weeks.

It is incredibly arduous this year. Our first week, the temperatures pushed passed 95 degrees. I am amazed at how well most of the kids do. They begin at 7:30 in the morning. They have a schedule they follow each day that roughly moves them through a variety of activities such as full band practice, charts - which is the choreography of the show and is usually done outside on the asphalt parking lot, section practice, and a segment called movement where the kids learn how to carry and move their bodies gracefully.

A few parents are usually cooking away from 8 to 2 in the kitchen for the daily lunch, some pounding away in the props garage, and then there is me with a few others who have been cleaning out the very smelly uniform room and fitting and altering uniforms for 87 kids.

After 5 pm, the kids still have energy, amazingly. Most nights there are activities planned such as a tailgate party, a talent show, a dance, or a game of capture the flag. These activities allow the kids to get to know each other outside the structure of the day.

I'm always awed by these kids and what they're capable of. Where DOES this idea of "band geek" come from?? These kids are fit, talented, articulate, funny, compassionate, loyal, hard working and ethical.

I'm proud of my "geeky" girls.

What was I thinking?

I mowed our very hilly and irregular lawn with the push mower today. Now I can hardly hold up my arms to type. I haven't used the push mower to do anything more than trim the yard in the last 5 or 6 years since my youngest has become old enough to mow with the John Deer.

I don't know what I was thinking. It's not just that I am incredibly sore, but I feel quite nearly incapacitated! I really think - at least in these instances - I should act my age!

You were singing that Alice Cooper song, weren't you! Wow, that was a few years ago.

Okay, I'm back.

Summer break began June 2 for me. I'm one of those teachers who believes that we should use the summer to rest, recreate, and renew - NOT work during the summer. I believe it is our professional responsibility to do these three R's to be prepared for the the needs of the students by August. Resting and recreation allows my body and spirit to strengthen itself, but just as importantly, a teacher is obligated to pursue professional development to develop their mind. Critical to staying on the cutting edge is this continuing education or professional development.

I have four professional development goals for the summer.

1) I will be teaching a new reading class for middle school students at my alternative school. I'm not a reading specialist, but rather I am a licensed 5-12 language arts teachers. Amazingly, content area teachers were not taught reading strategies back in the day. Hopefully, Schools of Education have seen the light. Too many of our students are failing to read adequately. By the time they get to high school, they are not prepared for the amount or difficulty of reading for which they are responsible. In the 12 years that I've taught at the alternative school, it has been necessary to teach reading skills to all levels. I've learned the craft on the fly, reading books, talking to those who are in the know, and attending conferences. This summer, I want to formalize what I do to teach reading.

2) My second goal is an extention of another thing that I do at my school, but again the responsibility will take on a formality. I have been officially assigned the team leader for our school (8 total teachers: 5 in the alternative program 3 others in offshoot programs). My work this summer will be to design a big-picture vision for the pedagogical design of the school, then to backwards design monthly foci to lead teachers toward a cutting edge plan that takes our students' education beyond the textbooks and handouts. Team meetings will occur initially every two weeks. I will teach and lead my colleagues towards research based teaching principles, ultimately creating a team that learns about and makes these decisions about design principles and their application.

3) My third goal is to redesign one major unit. Every year, I take one or two large units and redesign and improve them. We recently retired two teachers in the alternative program. The two new teachers hired to replaced them were picked with a specific goal (see goal 2) in mind. They are able to take us toward project-based, problem-based, hands-on integrated units of study. Education research has proven that this is the best practice for motivating students to learn. My goal is to determine which units can easily be redesigned to incorporate other disciplines more fully into them. Or, even more exciting, to take these new teachers favorite projects from the last jobs and design a language arts curriculum to cooperate with their project. The new math teacher has an awesome pyramid project - well-known and well-copied within our school corporation. I'd love to research some literature that would support his project.

4) I also have an administrative license that requires updating. It expires in May of 2007. I am investigating a leadership academy that our corporation is beginning this fall. Otherwise, I will have to find some coursework to take. Our new state requirements will allow other ways to renew licensing, fortunately. Things like educational research and professional writing would be interesting ways to renew my license. Wouldn't it be nice if accomplishing my fourth goal would assist me in meeting my other three goals!!

So much for sleeping in, eating bon-bons and watching soaps. Not me!

I have to take it back.

Yesterday I wrote about an article in Prevention about a study done on happiness. The credit goes to Martin E. P. Seligman, PhD and his colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania. My apologies.

The article entitled "What really makes us happy" is in the February 2006 issue.

If you are interested in reading this article, it may be archived at their website www.prevention.com. The author also suggests learning what your character strengths are that create happiness at the following website: www.authentichappiness.org.

Besides displaying gratitude - "an affirmation of the goodness in one's life and the recognition that the sources of this goodness lie at least partly outside the self" - the article suggest other ways to attain happiness.

Try these this week:

Write and personally deliver a gratitude letter to someone who has been kind to you but to whom you have never adequately thanked.

Record three things that have gone well each day.

Write about your early memories every night.

Do something new or different each day that satisfy your curiousity like visit a museum, read a book on an unfamiliar subject, or research your family tree.

Create a place in your home that you can call your "awe wall". Cover it with poems, children's pictures or drawings, a beautiful picture from a magazine, favored quotations, notes from friends, and certificates of appreciation or accomplishment.

I recall a radio interview that I heard some years ago. The announcer was interviewing a prominent psychologist about depression. He asked the psychologist what he does when he feels down. I'll never forget what he said. The fastest way to feel better about the world around you and about your circumstances is to focus on others. Go out and serve the world around you. Focusing on other's needs puts ours in the necessary perspective - out of sight.

I was reading an article in a Prevention magazine this morning that was summarizing the research on how people create happiness in their lives. The study conducted by members of the Psychology Department from my alma mater, University of Missouri-Columbia, utilized survey data from people who had gone to their website.

I'm always interested in how studies are conducted. I am curious about how researchers pick their subjects. In this case, the participants came, somewhat unwittingly, to them. I presume they were interested in happiness for some reason. Maybe they wanted more of it for themselves, or maybe they were curious about what created happiness, or even how to define happiness.

In any case, researchers asked respondents to continue further with the study asking them to try something specific each day for one week. They discovered that of all the activities that created the most happiness is a very simple practice of gratitude. That's right, identifying the things that go right, giving thanks for the things that you have, and appreciating what others have done for you.

In that vain, I'd like to create a little happiness. This weekend my husband and I made a trip to my favorite green house - a 35 minute trip to Timbuktu. I swear I don't know how people find this place! I love it because the owner knows my name and always asks me what I plan to do with the flowers I'm buying. He knows the garden pests that I've dealt with in the past and has offerred organic gardening advice because he knows that my husband and I are concerned with our environment enough to severely limit the use of chemicals. He knows his plants and he stands by his product. It's not like going to Lowe's and buying plants where not a soul knows squat about live plants. If it dies, he replaces it.

Something more . . . even if my favorite "greenhouse guy" wasn't there, I would still buy herbs. I do cook with my herbs, bundle them and use them as smudge sticks, dry them for scented pillows/sachets and bath scents, but I think the thing I love the most is just playing in my herb garden. Is there anything more intoxicating that basil and thyme? Brushing up against them releases their aromas. It's calming and . . .

. . . makes me happy.

I was given a little book today with little quips about getting older. Some of them are funny; some are thought-provoking. Thought I'd share a few.

"Old age is not a disease; it is a strength and survivorship, [which] triumph over all kinds of vicissitudes and disappointments, trials and illnesses" - Maggie Kuhn

"Old age is like climbing a mountain. You climb from ledge to ledge. The higher you get, the more tired and breathless you become, but your views become more extensive." - Ingrid Bergman

"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain (I'm not sure I totally agree, but it was an interesting perspective!)

"Inside every seventy-year-old there is a thirty-five-year-old asking 'What happened'" - Ann Landers

And since I live with teenager girls, the next one resonated with me . . .

"Middle age is when you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it's not for you." - Ogden Nash

For years I was told I was spoiled. Being the last of five children with a twenty year spread might give one reason to think that I might have been babied. In a loving family, it wouldn't be hard to imagine that the baby gets a lot of attention.

I was telling someone over a staff breakfast this morning that my daughers and I were spending our weekend with my sister and mother in Illinios. Naturally, the conversation gravitated to the fun we had planned. One mused that I must have a lot of fun with my sister. Yes, indeed.

Yesterday, I left Orlando, Florida and its 84 degrees and returned to north central Indiana where it was 8 degrees . . . and this morning - 3 degrees! I'm really struggling with this!!!

I spent three and a half days at an Alternative Education conference. The first day, I hate to admit, I was so into all the presentations that I never got outside until nearly 4:30. What was I thinking??

It was so nice Thursday, but Friday all four of us decided that it was necessary to play hooky at one of the afternoon sessions. I grabbed a sandwich at the deli and headed to the lanai area surrounding the pool and thought I was in heaven!

It was such pleasant weather. There was calypso music wafting from the cabana that sold the drinks with the little umbrellas. Little sparrows theived pieces of chips and bread that fell to the ground, then chirped from the bushes for more. The leaves of palm trees slipped against each other in the gentle breeze creating a song of their own. Scents of gardenia and coconut floated with the breeze, intoxicating and pleasing. I drifted into a sleepy semi-awareness.

I'm thinking that maybe I need to work harder at finding a way to get to the Gulf Coast for Spring Break!

I was sitting in a natatorium lulled into a sleepy thoughtfulness by the warm, humid air last night when it occurred to me that the youngsters must be doing something right. After all, my 16 year old - lithe, a svelte size 7, and her team mates - all slim, if not some well-toned - don't seem to fuss about dieting and exercise like we (I) do.

My revelations is this: they eat what they want, when they want, sleep inordinate hours whever they can, but are quiet active - moving constantly except or in spite of their academic environment and they STILL maintain relatively good health and fitness.

I think I will stop stressing about my weight - which isn't too bad all things considered - and apply Resolution One and Two to my idea of health and fitness. Therefore, my third resolution is
a) to eat as much as I need to (fruits, veggies and whole grains first),
b) sleep as much as I need to (naps are good, so is sleeping late), and
c) move/shake/dance/walk/climb as often as I am able every day (no waiting to go to the Y to kill myself on the elliptical)

Even if I don't lose weight, or in fact gain it, heaven forbid, I think I will have learned the fine art of enjoying life. Maybe the extra sleep will mean that I just have a fresher outlook on life.

I'm not kidding . . . really . . . I plan to do this one!

See? I just threw away my copy of the Adkin's Diet. There . . . gone.

I already feel better!!

I've been thinking about this resolution thing again. I'm trying to avoid the typical resolutions - or wish listing - that I usually do at this time of year. Partly because it seems they same one appear on the list every year; partly because I sense it is that way because I'm not really getting at the core of what resolutions I really need to make.

My first resolution could be summed up by stating that I want to accept less. Not EXPECT less - I'm a big believer in goals. I think we have to have something to shoot for. But I think we stress ourselves out - even disappoint ourselves when we don't meet the very letter of those goals or resolutions. I'm suggesting that in shooting for a lofty goal that the very progress we make toward it is worthy of praise and acceptance.

My second resolution is to make do with less. The corollary of this would be to strive to be happy with what I have. I remember about 12 years ago that I just HAD to have a ring wrap for my engagement ring. It was a beautifully designed wrap with two rubies and a diamond. Reluctanly, my husband consented to buying it for me for Valentine's Day. I was so pleased that I was misty-eyed. I spent much time the first few weeks stealing glances at it. I found that the ring didn't snuggle well with my engagement ring. In fact, it rocked and rubbed and wouldn't sit next to it at all. I paid more money to have it soldered to the engagement ring. In doing so, the arc which wrapped around the marquis "sat up" which would - and still does to this day - grab at all sorts of things. I can't count the number of pantihose ruined because of this ring, nor the number of snags I've pulled in my sweaters.

I HAD to have this ring. It brought more expense and more problems. I still think it's pretty. I also think it's a metaphor for how we sometimes pine for things we're better off without. I wear it and remember this lesson when I HAVE to have something new.

I resolve to not just be happy but to truly find value and joy in the things I do have and to find ways to live without what I don't.

I've come to the realization that resolutions are merely wishes unless there is a detailed plan involved to actually make them likely to succeed. I'd like this year's resolutions to be more than wishful thought, so I've been reflecting upon what I'm really willing to resolve to do - meaning what I am willing to tell the world on what goal or desire that I'm ready to effect some detailed, day-to-day plan.

What I really need to do to make my life better is to reduce stress, to find more joy, to be at peace with what 'is' rather than to be anxious about what 'might be'.

I need a plan. I think I'll start with changing my attitude about what I can control. Then I need to change my expectations about what is realistic. I am making a list of what create my anxiety - like clutter, like flabby thighs, um . . . hurricanes and tsunamis are on the list, and so is post-Christmas credit card bills.

There things I can control and some I have limited or no control over. I'll start with praying. I've heard that "giving it" to God helps. I've been too much of a control freak to trouble God with this stuff. My friends say it's about time I walk my faith in this matter. Perhaps God has a perspective about the things that I worry about. I think I'll put this on my prayer page for a few weeks or months and see what happens!

Ultimately, what I'd like to be able to do is to let go of the things I have no control over and quietly and without resentment do what I can with the time and energy I have to reasonably have some effect on the things I can control.

It's just a thought, but this making resolutions thing is pretty much the process of developing wisdom with age. Why can't we be this smart is our youth?

Do you make New Year's Resolutions each year? I do, or at least I refine the ones that I've been working at most of my adult life. We, who make resolutions, are interested in improving our lot in life - finding success in what we do.

In my classroom this week, I asked my returning to students to share some advice about finding success at our school to those who were joining us for the first time. I enjoyed this activity because it allowed me to see the development of their maturity over the last few months. Many truly had good advice about increasing their chance for academic success. Typically, that advice includes paying attention, doing the work, turning it in, asking questions, and trying hard.

Because ours is a unique school - an alternative setting for those who are not making it in the mainstream - their advice also included sage wisdom about getting along with others and about "finding your game" in a personal sense. These offerings included try to see the other person's viewpoint, respect other's, focus on the important things, don't get involved in the "drama" or stir up trouble. I loved their advice in particular because it came hard earned; and I know it was from the heart not just some platitude.

The best advice I heard all day came from an eighth grader. He said, "Be nice."

It's just my opinion but sometimes the most profound advice is the simplest.

Yikes! I went to look at my blog (is that narcissistic?) and discovered that I fell of the face of th earth! Well, almost . . . I just haven't posted an entry in so long that there was nothing current to read.

Why? You KNOW the answer to this question! I'm meeting myself around corners. I'm at panic stage because many of my Christmas gifts need to be ordered and then they need to be mailed. I'm just about out of time. I have cookies to bake, decorating to do - still, cards to write and this is a busy time of year for my job. We won't even be home for Christmas!

When will I blog??!! I value your opinion and while I may not return comments, PLEASE tell me how to make this season sane????

Are you getting a flu shot this winter? Why? Are you part of an "at-risk" group? Or are you just wanting to avoid the inconvenience of having flu this season?

Some people point out that the side effects of a flu shot are worse than a case of the flu itself. Others say that the flu shot - and other innoculations for disease prevention for that matter - have reduced the incidence of disease over all. Some say there is a risk for everything.

I've had flu shots before. Never had problems with them. This year I decided to let someone else have "my" shot. I decided that since I'm not in a high risk group that my body doesn't need something foreign in it. (I'm sure that I'm ingesting plenty of foreign things daily . . . just not the flu shot this year!)

What are your thoughts?

My husband came home last night and told me that he had a little surprise for me and to be ready by 6:30. Hmmm. . . I used to like surprises, and besides the girls and I were going to watch a movie while I ironed. What was this? and How long were we going to be out? and did I have to changed?

Whatever happened to my sense of adventure!!! Well, anyway . . . I'm sure glad I took the hiking boots off, at least . . .