May 2007 Archives

My freshman English class was reading an expository text on this subject with the intent of writing a summarization of the one-page article. (Personally, I think one page on the topic couldn't scratch the surface, but with such little attention span it's probably best.) It noted that some bad listening habits included 1) preparing your response as you are listening, 2) daydreaming, and 3) listening selectively.

If you read my last post, you'll note that this is a hot issue in my family. Being an inveterate problem-solver, I have set about to improve how we communicate. One solution I've suggested came as a bit of epiphany as I'm shouting a retort to my beloved that I ought to write every "beepin'" thing I say down on a piece of paper for him . . .

Yeah, I know you know what I'm saying.

My solution? I've taken a standard spiral bound notebook, labeled it The Family Log, and initiated its use yesterday. We will write down notes to each other such as incoming phone messages, whether or not the dog has been out for her morning constitutional and has been fed, comments about changes in daily schedules, requests such as those from our daughters for the usual - money, field trip requests, notes to attendance secretaries, etc. and other such mundane things.

Of course, this wonderful idea didn't help when I discovered that my daughters took the bus today inspite of the fact one of them has a doctor's appointment after school and now will be late if I don't drive 30 minutes north to pick her up thereby screwing up my afternoon to run errands. This would have been a good day for her to remember that I told her to drive and to take her little body to the office so that I can meet her there.

Welcome to my life.

I'm posting this under "Are you serious?" with good reason. Why is it that when a woman loses her temper, it's gotta be the hormones 'talking"? Why is it not possible that there are plausible reasons for finally reaching a point that you display anger?

If the hormones were at fault, you might be likely to anger more quickly - possibly. But does that preclude an inciting event? It drives me crazy to talk to people that can't give you a straight answer when asked a point-blank question. How hard it that???

I know why a person diverts to a different topic when put on the spot. The obvious answer is to avoid the point-blank question or issue. Obfuscating the real issue allows a person to create a distraction. The real masters at this game are the ones who can distract long enough to cast blame in the distraction. Now they're off the hook, you're still pissed off but for new reasons, and you are left looking like the problem. Do you follow?

A circle or switch-back is a dangerous and ugly way to communicate if you are locked in "wedded matrimony" It's hard to trust someone who can't give you a straight answer, nor someone who is shifts blame. It's dangerous ground.

I'm 50! Wow - a few years ago, I wouldn't have admitted that. Approaching 50 put a little scare in me. Well, who doesn't get a little wierd??? Like so many, I grieved the loss of youth - the tight(er) body, the drive and energy, the ability to take off extra pounds at will . . .

These days I wake up with pain in my back, my fingers stiff, a little more tired that usual. But I wake up. My legs work; my fingers bend - sort of. I make my beloved morning coffee. And I start my day which begins and ends at break-neck speed - once my coffee kicks in.

Everyday I hear about someone who has died, someone who has gone on disability, someone whose quality of life is compromised. I'm grateful for getting out of bed. I'm so glad my personal cheering section doesn't see me at 4:45 when my alarm clock goes off. It's not too pretty. By 6:15 - coffee time at the YMCA - the guys - gentlemen, all - remind me that being a woman is a good thing.

I work with teens - the toughest crowd there is. They're incredible fun (sometimes an incredible pain in the ass). Even they are very complimentary. It's wonderful that a teen thinks you're cool, still "got it", still "rocks".

Wow!! How could 50 be so bad???

What do I like about 50? Some things just don't matter - really. Beds made everyday, four course meals every night, a perfect coif, the latest in make-up, a little dirt on the floor, a few weeds in the garden. I'm not saying that I've given up total perfection! I just save up my energy for the stuff that I really enjoy or that really matters.

Naps are good. Getting lost in a great book - priceless. A card game with a child - can't be replaced. A lost,lazy afternoon with your loved one - to be repeated over and over.

I think I'm getting in right - just in time.