January 2006 Archives

One of the gifts of getting older is the ability to listen more carefully - especially to yourself. In my youth, I was apt to - even preferred to - blunder in and through a project or a challenge. I liked the mess of it all. Looking at all the features all at once, getting immersed almost to the point of confusion. In fact, it was pure joy to untangle the ball of yarn in order to discover some kind of order and set about an effective procedure for managing the project of challenge. I loved problem solving - creating solutions more than actually effecting them.

Fair Warning: These entries will only interest the over-40 and female crowd or quite possibility a forward thinking husband interested in what is happening inside the mind of the average female.

I have spent the better part of my 40's trying to figure out - or maybe outsmart - my body. I've also spent that time totally pissed off that my body would simply betray me. I've been horrified by the undeniable conclusion that I'm not 25 anymore. Imagine that!

Why the hell don't they warn you about this! I have read nearly every medical journal, women's magazine, alternative and holistic, that has anything to say about perimenopause and menopause. I've tried nearly every health supplement, yoga position, exercise and a number of prescribed medicines.

My symptoms are typical: insomnia, migraines, irritability (or rather, outright bitchiness), digestive distress (IBS), and power surges. It's sapped my energy, my creativity, and my patience.

Here's what I discovered.

I was sitting in a natatorium lulled into a sleepy thoughtfulness by the warm, humid air last night when it occurred to me that the youngsters must be doing something right. After all, my 16 year old - lithe, a svelte size 7, and her team mates - all slim, if not some well-toned - don't seem to fuss about dieting and exercise like we (I) do.

My revelations is this: they eat what they want, when they want, sleep inordinate hours whever they can, but are quiet active - moving constantly except or in spite of their academic environment and they STILL maintain relatively good health and fitness.

I think I will stop stressing about my weight - which isn't too bad all things considered - and apply Resolution One and Two to my idea of health and fitness. Therefore, my third resolution is
a) to eat as much as I need to (fruits, veggies and whole grains first),
b) sleep as much as I need to (naps are good, so is sleeping late), and
c) move/shake/dance/walk/climb as often as I am able every day (no waiting to go to the Y to kill myself on the elliptical)

Even if I don't lose weight, or in fact gain it, heaven forbid, I think I will have learned the fine art of enjoying life. Maybe the extra sleep will mean that I just have a fresher outlook on life.

I'm not kidding . . . really . . . I plan to do this one!

See? I just threw away my copy of the Adkin's Diet. There . . . gone.

I already feel better!!

I've been thinking about this resolution thing again. I'm trying to avoid the typical resolutions - or wish listing - that I usually do at this time of year. Partly because it seems they same one appear on the list every year; partly because I sense it is that way because I'm not really getting at the core of what resolutions I really need to make.

My first resolution could be summed up by stating that I want to accept less. Not EXPECT less - I'm a big believer in goals. I think we have to have something to shoot for. But I think we stress ourselves out - even disappoint ourselves when we don't meet the very letter of those goals or resolutions. I'm suggesting that in shooting for a lofty goal that the very progress we make toward it is worthy of praise and acceptance.

My second resolution is to make do with less. The corollary of this would be to strive to be happy with what I have. I remember about 12 years ago that I just HAD to have a ring wrap for my engagement ring. It was a beautifully designed wrap with two rubies and a diamond. Reluctanly, my husband consented to buying it for me for Valentine's Day. I was so pleased that I was misty-eyed. I spent much time the first few weeks stealing glances at it. I found that the ring didn't snuggle well with my engagement ring. In fact, it rocked and rubbed and wouldn't sit next to it at all. I paid more money to have it soldered to the engagement ring. In doing so, the arc which wrapped around the marquis "sat up" which would - and still does to this day - grab at all sorts of things. I can't count the number of pantihose ruined because of this ring, nor the number of snags I've pulled in my sweaters.

I HAD to have this ring. It brought more expense and more problems. I still think it's pretty. I also think it's a metaphor for how we sometimes pine for things we're better off without. I wear it and remember this lesson when I HAVE to have something new.

I resolve to not just be happy but to truly find value and joy in the things I do have and to find ways to live without what I don't.

I've come to the realization that resolutions are merely wishes unless there is a detailed plan involved to actually make them likely to succeed. I'd like this year's resolutions to be more than wishful thought, so I've been reflecting upon what I'm really willing to resolve to do - meaning what I am willing to tell the world on what goal or desire that I'm ready to effect some detailed, day-to-day plan.

What I really need to do to make my life better is to reduce stress, to find more joy, to be at peace with what 'is' rather than to be anxious about what 'might be'.

I need a plan. I think I'll start with changing my attitude about what I can control. Then I need to change my expectations about what is realistic. I am making a list of what create my anxiety - like clutter, like flabby thighs, um . . . hurricanes and tsunamis are on the list, and so is post-Christmas credit card bills.

There things I can control and some I have limited or no control over. I'll start with praying. I've heard that "giving it" to God helps. I've been too much of a control freak to trouble God with this stuff. My friends say it's about time I walk my faith in this matter. Perhaps God has a perspective about the things that I worry about. I think I'll put this on my prayer page for a few weeks or months and see what happens!

Ultimately, what I'd like to be able to do is to let go of the things I have no control over and quietly and without resentment do what I can with the time and energy I have to reasonably have some effect on the things I can control.

It's just a thought, but this making resolutions thing is pretty much the process of developing wisdom with age. Why can't we be this smart is our youth?

Do you make New Year's Resolutions each year? I do, or at least I refine the ones that I've been working at most of my adult life. We, who make resolutions, are interested in improving our lot in life - finding success in what we do.

In my classroom this week, I asked my returning to students to share some advice about finding success at our school to those who were joining us for the first time. I enjoyed this activity because it allowed me to see the development of their maturity over the last few months. Many truly had good advice about increasing their chance for academic success. Typically, that advice includes paying attention, doing the work, turning it in, asking questions, and trying hard.

Because ours is a unique school - an alternative setting for those who are not making it in the mainstream - their advice also included sage wisdom about getting along with others and about "finding your game" in a personal sense. These offerings included try to see the other person's viewpoint, respect other's, focus on the important things, don't get involved in the "drama" or stir up trouble. I loved their advice in particular because it came hard earned; and I know it was from the heart not just some platitude.

The best advice I heard all day came from an eighth grader. He said, "Be nice."

It's just my opinion but sometimes the most profound advice is the simplest.