yes, I know I’ve been quiet lately, after working 95 hours last week it barely left time for sleep, much less posting. So you know something must really be bothering me for me to post, especially what I’m about to.
I’ve never really thought of myself as the type to get on her ‘high horse’, I’ve always thought of a very decent judge of character, and I’ve always thought myself to be loyal to a fault, even when I knew things weren’t right, even when everyone around me told me differently, if you were my friend I would defend you to my dying day. period.
I’ve done some changing over the last year, I’ll be the first to admit that. Perhaps not all for the better, definitely not all for the worst, I’ve been lax in some things, people I used to talk to on a daily basis I no longer talk to as regularly, and I’ve had more than one (hell, more than 10) tell me the reason why those people took such an issue with that fact is they were jealous, they had been used to having me pretty much to themselves for a time on a daily basis and got upset when they no longer did…and I’m sorry to say friendships changed over that. When it was always my opinion before that your true friends would understand such things…
when I first moved to FL, my phone was roaming, I was staying with friends and didn’t feel comfortable having anyone call me there, not that they would have minded, but it wasn’t my phone. when I got a job and my own place, the last thing I wanted to do was sit home, hell, I’d been forced to do that for years! I was working days, I couldn’t stay up all night and talk anymore. I had bills I was trying to pay and kids I was trying to go see.
So, I did see my kids…and I met M, lost jobs, found new ones, changed them a few times, and now I’m in the situation I’m in now.
My friends also did the same, found jobs, had responsibilities, and for the most part, when I could have called (meaning, not being around someone and being considered rude for talking on the phone) they were still at work, or I was, so conflicting schedules were a factor.
Over 4 months ago, I called this someone I’ve called friend for years, someone who’s stood by me through the rough times, and I thought she felt I had done the same, and I wanted to share the good news with her, to say her reaction was a major letdown would be putting it mildly, at least, that’s what it felt like to me…no matter how much she swore that was not the case, that she was happy for me, You have a hard time changing that initial impression.
Then two months ago, or thereabouts, this same person takes up a relationship with my ex husband, “for the boys”… and I tried to believe this reasoning, defended her to friends that tried to say otherwise, and truly wanted to trust her, no matter how hard that was.
I have tried never to judge this person in her life, everyone believes differently and I try to respect that, even when they tell me how I need to ‘be careful’ around her children if I bring my partner to visit her family. There are a lot of things I don’t agree with that go on in HER life, but I guess I don’t feel as free to discuss them like she does.
No, I don’t call my children every night, and I’ve tried to explain the reason to her. Even though I do truly believe the saying that used to grace the top of this blog “never explain, your friends don’t need it, and your enemies won’t believe you anyway”
but it hurts to talk to my kids, especially when they blow hot and cold on whether or not to come see me, due to what they’ve been told and who they’ve been around that day. it pains me because I don’t see them every day, and I usually am in tears every time I talk to them, and that has been the case for the last year…
Do I love them any less? Do I think about them any less? Does my heart ache any less because of that, HELL NO!! there is not a moment in any day that goes by I don’t think of them, I’ve cried more in this last year than I have in my entire life, and having someone remind me that my children are still there with HIM :shakehead, I don’t need it, I’m very aware of it.
The last thing that bothers me, before I close this book, is the way you can talk about someone behind their back about what a horrible person they are, and how horrible someone is to another person, yet, 2 minutes later, they’re your dear friend and best buddy again…
it really makes me wonder about things you say about your other ‘friends’ when they’re not around
oh, btw, I’m not ‘judging’ the president, I’m judging his policy, and the way he’s trying to write descrimination into our country’s constitution. Major difference there, since I pay his salary!