I'm sure in everyones life there is unfinished business, something that while maybe we wouldn't change the way things are now for us, we wish we could find out why things went the way they did before...I am no different (OK well maybe I am but not in pertaining to this *s*)
last year I was briefly involved with someone who at the time I thought was almost perfect, (in retrospect I realize that was not the case)...he actually knew and did not have a problem with my attraction to women..(and no not for the reasons you think)..and he was the polar opposite of my EX, (as much as he could be still being a guy that is) that I think went a long way toward any attraction I felt at the time.
So for long time readers of the blog, you might remember what happened, for my new readers to make a long story shorter he walked out of my life, completely (so I thought), 2 days before my birthday, less than a week before the protective order case against my ex came up (he was supposed to testify as a witness at that) never to be heard from again.
during the last year, since I have reopened the custody issue, I have had his name thrown at me on several occasions with reference to 'things I don't know about him' and 'you will find out' type threats made at me.
so needless to say that I wanted to get my hands on him (again not in the way you think!) to wring his chicken shit neck would be an understatement, I also wanted to know what the HELL his investigator could have possibly found out that would be an issue as it pertains to my case (he had been around the boys for a brief period, and never alone)
and yes I also wanted to know why I didn't even rate a phone call..I mean good god even I will call to tell someone to kiss off!
so last night, I get to work (with BlueWolf on the phone as usual *s*) and look at the occupancy sheet...
the company he worked for had 2 rooms rented (oh crap..I don't need this shit)
so yes, I checked..he was the one that signed for the room
yea you see where this is going don't you?
after almost a year I have the opportunity to get those questions answered, to put my mind at rest, to find out if there are any 'bombshells' I need to be prepared for during the trial.
so much has happened since all that...I really have no desire or want to see him..I'm completely satisfied with my life, with the exception of not having my kids full time and being where I want to be..where I NEED to be..I could not ask for anything more..for the first time in my life I feel complete and yes HAPPY..I never knew what that was before..
but human nature I guess..causes us to wonder why..what happened to cause such a reaction, and do I need to be worried about it happening again?
cause yes I do worry about such things..I know in my heart I have no need to be but still one wonders "was it me? was it something about me that caused this?" that need to know if there is something I need to change is there...
and I don't want to cause her any worry..even though there is not a need for it or a reason, that is the last thing I would want to do is cause her pain..she's had enough of that in her life...
but the decision was taken out of my hands, yes he walked into the lobby..and the only feeling I had was wanting to smack the smug smile off his face..
but I didn't..and he even told me to...
so I asked..why?
and is their anything I need to be concerned about being used to keep my kids from me buried in your past? (yes I did even ask him if he was a registered sex offender! *L*)
do I feel I got an honest answer? well no not really..he is a male after all..I think they are genetically programed to be full of shit.
do I feel better about a bomb being dropped in open court? yes, in that aspect I do
did I tell him about her? yes, everything...(he knows he doesn't have a prayer)..I refuse to jeopardize my life or relationship, especially my relationship!!
do I feel there is still unfinished business? yes...not as much..and not necessarily with him per sey..but yes...there is still that wonder of what is so wrong with me that makes it so easy for everyone to walk away..
Rants: August 2002 Archives
today is the first day of school here..I swear its not time yet..
so much was supposed to be done by the end of the summer and its not, still waiting and wondering..and getting more frustrated by the day about it.
yesterday we went school shopping, for those of you who don't get to experience this joy let me tell ya..you're missing out
for those that do, well try it with your ex sometime..
I don't feel comfortable around him, so I tend to talk and ramble on when he's around to try and cover this..couple this with my kids tendency to talk about anything that strikes them and you have the makings of one hell of a migraine..
I think know he's up to something..
anyway..I have a question for you parents out there who tirelessly search the isles for every asinine thing the teachers put on the school supply lists..(you know what I mean, what exactly *are* twist up crayons, crayola glue with the no clog tip (what ever happened to Elmer's?))
I don't know about where you live, but here the store has the lists for all of the area schools right as you walk in..so it would seem any sane person could look at it and see what types of things parents are going to need to buy for their kids this year right? now wouldn't it make sense to have said items actually in the store so as to make it more convenient for everyone..parent comes in, picks up list, picks up supplies, store makes money..
easy right?
wrong..
every single year since my kids have been in school there has always been ONE item that the store does not have..does not even CARRY!!
can someone please explain the logic of this? especially in this town where the next nearest place one can enjoy such torture (I hate shopping, I really do) is at least 45 min. away? I mean it costs more in gas to get there than the item itself!
fortunately..this year I lucked out..
while said store did not carry it..the local grocery store (and trust me thats giving it a lot more credit that IT'S due) did..
who knew that seeing more of their employees show up at PTA meetings would be such a good thing *s*
gOdOfMiScHiEf had a really interesting topic while I was surfing my reads this morning (more on why I'm up at this ungodly hour later)
basically (I think) hes asking 'can men and women be friends?'
in my previous single days (before I was married) I had mostly male friends. these were just friends, nothing romantic about them. when I made the mistake of getting married all of that ended. for no known reason except "a married woman shouldn't do that" I was no longer allowed to speak to another guy who was not a family member much less have one as a friend...lmao..I'm sure if he knew then what he knows now he wouldn't have worried about me talking to any guy! (women would have been another matter entirely however)
I'm sure most of this topic has to do with trust, do you trust the person you're with enough to allow them the freedom to be friends with whatever sex they are attracted to sexually? (or for my response this is how I'm going to take said topic)
I would have to say that depends on the people involved..from the comments I see whoever was the inspiration for this has allot of friends (of the sex she is attracted to) and an ex who cheated on her..this I have a problem with, not only the 'whats good for the goose is not good for the gander' aspect but making someone else pay for a crime that is not theirs to pay for.
if you trust your partner, it shouldn't matter who their friends are...this goes if you are bi, gay or straight..if you don't..well why are you with them? and also if you don't is it really their fault or someone else's?
let me close with this, I trust my partner impeccably, and I believe she does me also, if we have a problem with a friend of the others we talk about it..that is the key to a good relationship.
do I trust my ex? no, never did, and obviously he never did me either (based on history) and we see how that ended
I think its just a matter of trust, and communication..and whether you know how to do both..
after 17 nights in a row with no night off..3 of them training someone else..I FINALLY have a night off
actually 4 nights off..(to bad I don't have the money to go anywhere!)
oh god do I need them..this has been a total week from hell..I would swear there was a full moon all this week if I didn't know better..(and I do..remember I work nights *s*)
first every weirdo in the world decides to come to my motel, people please remember something when traveling
the person you see behind the desk does NOT set the rate, and they usually can only give you a discount to a certain point..do not chew out, berate, insult them just because you don't like it..trust me there is no way in the world they are making enough money where they could afford to stay in that same place they come to every day and don't need to put up with that kind of bullshit! and to be honest they really don't care how much cheaper the rates are else and if its so much better why the hell aren't you there?? also if something is not in your room and you do not take the time to call and notify the desk and give us the chance to correct such oversight on the housekeepers part, DO NOT I repeat DO NOT come in and gripe at said desk personel..it is not my fault nor my job description, and if you want to call the main office (of a chain that is independently owned and operated) here is the fucking card please go right ahead..dial 9 for an outside line *rolling eyes*
second I found out the ex went to his lawyers monday..right before taking my kids out of town for a 'week or so' I thought he was acting awfully nice that day..even said something about how good he was feeling..and here I thought he just got laid (should have known better..LOL), until my oldest told me about how long he was sitting in the waiting room while daddy talked to his lawyer..grrrrrrrrr..oh well at least this will be over soon (I hope)
school starts here on thursday..not really sure how I feel about this..I had expected so much more to be done by the end of summer and its not, however this does mean I get allot more time with my boys when I pick them up after school, so that part is definitely a good thing!
on a slightly different note, you've GOT to love when new ppl are working during this post I have gotten no less than 4 phone calls from the new gal with various problems she's having..and lucky me in a couple weeks I get to train her to on my job! oh joy..
I need sleep..wake me when this is all over..
