Recently in Rants Category

OK, this is a first
As some of you may or may not know, my 'daughter', my best friend, my roomie, has been going to school to become a nurse.
She has been doing so well, I'm so proud of her!! She only has one semester left until she graduates.
The problem is, according to their website she was supposed to get her financial aid...come to find out, she's already used her max allotment during the fall and spring terms. :wtf And the money for her summer term is due on the 8th :walk_sad
I tried...I really did, to get the money for her tuition...unfortunately, my beacon score is to low (even with my cars as collateral) to qualify for a 1,000.00 loan, :hammer which is all she needs.
I really don't think it's fair that she might have to give up this dream because she cannot afford it...so we're asking, if you can, to help her out.
I realize this is a lot for a virtual stranger to ask of a bunch of people...but if you're in a position to help, I do have a paypal account, and the email address for it is redeagle1@redeaglespirit.com and thank you from the bottom of my heart. :1luvu

about 4 days ago, I had a post typed up and ready to go...and my browser crashed...poof, all gone
I was to damn disgusted to try and retype it all. :angry
it was written after we had went to pride, and Ran and I had a very in depth conversation after looking at some pride stickers for her new car...

it goes without saying that it really pisses me off the way so many people view the GLBT community, even the ones that "love us, just don't agree with us". I don't recall asking you to 'agree' with me, just quit discriminating against me!

I'd love to have just one of them tell me what is so different about the majority of us. I'm not talking about the ones they want to use to represent us, I'm talking about those of us who have jobs we work hard at, families we take care of, financial worries just like most other Americans, who live out our lives day to day just like everyone else...
we are just attracted to people of the same gender...perhaps to the point of wanting to spend the rest of our lives with that person, just like people of opposite genders do...and want other people to recognize our level of commitment to each other, just like they do for straight people.
someone PLEASE tell me, how in the hell that will affect 'traditional' marriage?!?!
we're not asking for church sanctioned unions...my first marriage (to a man) was before a JP, I was considered just as married as someone who had been married in a big church wedding.

how is it right, to discriminate against an entire segment of the population? didn't we go through this battle before (different groups, but same concept) it wasn't to long ago that interracial marriages were illegal, (June 12, 1967 it was no longer illegal in any state)

the fact of it is, I don't need my goverment, or someone who's salary I contribute to, to tell me what I can or cannot do. I know my own mind well enough to know who I want to spend the rest of my life with, who I would want to make decisions for me if, goddess forbid, something should happen to me, (and the answer to that second question damn sure isn't my family, or worse, my ex!)

you cannot legislate love...'outlawing' us will not make us go away, it just pisses us off :flames

With my upcoming ceremony, you can figure out for yourself why this would be on my mind...
This last week, not one, but TWO countries legalized gay marriage :scared

I know, whatever were they thinking???
How dare they have the nerve to let all of their citizens have equal rights!!!

Yes, I'm being sarcastic...but it did make me think....isn't America supposed to be the 'world leader'? or does that only count when we're invading other countries? or talking about the size of our 'weapons'? Because I'm sad to say, lately, it certainly hasn't been in any other area.

Reading these almost brought tears to my eyes...This one, was made by the Prime Minister of Spain
Gay Marriage Speech
And this one...I want to change the word "Canadian" to American and send it to every Right Wing Religious Zealot out there!!
Gay Population finally gets some fair treatment

I watched a program on Showtime the other night, called "Same Sex America", there was a member of congress (I believe) that said no one could tell him or give one example how denying gay's marriage rights was a civil rights violation :confused11
No, I didn't break my TV, but I did wonder when he would pull his head out of his ass and gain a little common sense.
How can you call, denying an entire group of people, who make up at least 10% of the population (if not more) the same rights and privileges of everyone else, anything BUT a civil rights issue???

This article in Newsweek sums up what I feel so beautifully. Equal rights are not 'special' rights, that's all we're asking for.

One final thought, with Pride month just coming to a close, and tomorrow being the day we celebrate our countries freedom, don't you think it's time we offered those same 'freedom's' to everyone??
36 years this fight has been going on :shakehead
I can't help but think, if people would just come to the realization that we're really not all that 'different' things would change.
Imagine a day when you wouldn't have to worry about how to "explain" it, you could just accept it for what it is. Two people, who care about each other, spending time together, wanting to spend their lives together...how is that any different than any straight couple out there?

It looks like a few things need to be clarified, and this is way to long to do it in a comment.

first off, I did not link you up, nor did I call you by name, it's called a 'trackback' they would have had to read YOUR post first, where this shit started, to even know it was there.

second off, the comment was made to you, not Kristi, about it being none of her buisness how often I call my kids, I stand by my friend in that comment, how often I call them is between them and I, not you, or anyone else tyvm

the only comment made to Kristi was about who is she, because no one had seen or heard from her in these parts for a very long time until you posted what you did.

thirdly, no one had said jack shit to me about you until YOU CALLED MY EX, you put yourself in the middle of that one, and knowing you, and how you talk on the phone for hours, gave me, and by association them, cause to be worried.

I have never known you to be a "yes" person, yes, I have hung up on you many times, it was either that or say something that would have caused a major fight, and every time I was at work and couldn't have really done that...but I think most people here have talked to me enough on the phone to know thats a crock of shit.

and the similarites between mine and Kristi's situation is this....neither of us really knew what was going on in it, except for what you had told us, and that comment I will stand by, I no more know what was going on in her situation than the man in the moon, other than you called me in a panic one night about it, and I made the comment on the blog that started that war...same thing pretty much applies here, she hasn't talked to me since...hmmm...well since that happened, so how can she know anything thats going on in my situation unless you have told her?

call me teflon if you will, hell, call me whatever the fuck you want, I'm simply stating my side...

and now, if you all will excuse this train wreck, I have to get to work

yes, I know I've been quiet lately, after working 95 hours last week it barely left time for sleep, much less posting. So you know something must really be bothering me for me to post, especially what I'm about to.

I've never really thought of myself as the type to get on her 'high horse', I've always thought of a very decent judge of character, and I've always thought myself to be loyal to a fault, even when I knew things weren't right, even when everyone around me told me differently, if you were my friend I would defend you to my dying day. period.
I've done some changing over the last year, I'll be the first to admit that. Perhaps not all for the better, definitely not all for the worst, I've been lax in some things, people I used to talk to on a daily basis I no longer talk to as regularly, and I've had more than one (hell, more than 10) tell me the reason why those people took such an issue with that fact is they were jealous, they had been used to having me pretty much to themselves for a time on a daily basis and got upset when they no longer did...and I'm sorry to say friendships changed over that. When it was always my opinion before that your true friends would understand such things...
when I first moved to FL, my phone was roaming, I was staying with friends and didn't feel comfortable having anyone call me there, not that they would have minded, but it wasn't my phone. when I got a job and my own place, the last thing I wanted to do was sit home, hell, I'd been forced to do that for years! I was working days, I couldn't stay up all night and talk anymore. I had bills I was trying to pay and kids I was trying to go see.
So, I did see my kids...and I met M, lost jobs, found new ones, changed them a few times, and now I'm in the situation I'm in now.
My friends also did the same, found jobs, had responsibilities, and for the most part, when I could have called (meaning, not being around someone and being considered rude for talking on the phone) they were still at work, or I was, so conflicting schedules were a factor.
Over 4 months ago, I called this someone I've called friend for years, someone who's stood by me through the rough times, and I thought she felt I had done the same, and I wanted to share the good news with her, to say her reaction was a major letdown would be putting it mildly, at least, that's what it felt like to me...no matter how much she swore that was not the case, that she was happy for me, You have a hard time changing that initial impression.
Then two months ago, or thereabouts, this same person takes up a relationship with my ex husband, "for the boys"... and I tried to believe this reasoning, defended her to friends that tried to say otherwise, and truly wanted to trust her, no matter how hard that was.
I have tried never to judge this person in her life, everyone believes differently and I try to respect that, even when they tell me how I need to 'be careful' around her children if I bring my partner to visit her family. There are a lot of things I don't agree with that go on in HER life, but I guess I don't feel as free to discuss them like she does.
No, I don't call my children every night, and I've tried to explain the reason to her. Even though I do truly believe the saying that used to grace the top of this blog "never explain, your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you anyway"
but it hurts to talk to my kids, especially when they blow hot and cold on whether or not to come see me, due to what they've been told and who they've been around that day. it pains me because I don't see them every day, and I usually am in tears every time I talk to them, and that has been the case for the last year...
Do I love them any less? Do I think about them any less? Does my heart ache any less because of that, HELL NO!! there is not a moment in any day that goes by I don't think of them, I've cried more in this last year than I have in my entire life, and having someone remind me that my children are still there with HIM :shakehead, I don't need it, I'm very aware of it.

The last thing that bothers me, before I close this book, is the way you can talk about someone behind their back about what a horrible person they are, and how horrible someone is to another person, yet, 2 minutes later, they're your dear friend and best buddy again...
it really makes me wonder about things you say about your other 'friends' when they're not around

This is just WRONG! :let_it_all_out

Now I understand that the DOMA says that states don't have to recognize gay marriages performed in another state, which I don't believe is right either, if hetero couples get legally married in any state or country for that matter, their marriage is valid no matter where they go, the same benefit should apply for gay couples who are legally married!
So in reading over this, it also 'defines' the word 'spouse' according to the federal government, 'spouse' is only used to define 'one man and one woman'.
First thought that comes to mind is "then :wtf is W getting his panties in a wad trying to amend the constitution for?
Second thought that comes to mind is these marriages are LEGAL, why can they not be recognized as such by the IRS?

"King George" seems to forget that what he is trying to do, and that the DOMA already in place, are, in fact, UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!
yes, that's right, Amendment 14, Section 1 clearly states...

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

And before some of you start hollering about the 'immoral' aspect of it, let me remind you of a little thing we call Seperation of Church and State while, not stated specifically in the Constitution, is certainly implied, and my religion is obviously not your religion, otherwise that whole 'love thy neighbor as thyself' thing would have a lot more meaning for you.

for some reason, this just frightens the hell out of me!

Beware Bush doing God's work

but this gives me hope, that somewhere, out there, someone has a brain they're using!!

Gay marriage does no harm to outsiders
no kidding Sherlock!! :rofl

:wtf
I think focus on the family needs to focus on pulling their head out of their collective asses!!
More on the religious rights campaign against sponge bob
will sponge bob make you gay?
The video causing all the controversy
there is no reference to anything even resembling homosexuality, or even gender identity in this video, acceptance and love of family, yes, I failed to see anything more though!
While I'm on the topic, I've got a news flash for the people at focus on the family...NOTHING will MAKE you gay!!
Thats right, Nada, zip, zilch, you get the picture yet? You either are, or you are not, we don't recruit, assimilate, or anything else in the gay community, we simply are, some of us it make take a while to realize it, but no one MADE us gay! :hammer
And certainly not an annoying little kids cartoon :fdup

Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Ohio, Utah and Oregon all voted to ban gay marriage yesterday.
I feel like we've taken a giant step backwards in time, and once again its accepted to descriminate against another class of people just because they're different from us.
What is everyone so afraid of? It's not like we were asking for special treatment, just EQUAL!

As everyone who knows me knows...I stand beside my friends 100%
I don't take kindly to people giving them problems...

I also take real personal issue, when you come to this server, where they have been given a place to express themselves in whatever way they damn well please, and feel the need to stir up more drama.

I also hate having to de-link very close friends of mine, so that anyone that does not need the link, cannot get it.

oddly enough, this is not even the first time this has happened, there was another time not so long ago that I had to relocate a dear friend and remove the link, because someone felt the need to put their nose in where it didn't belong.

so to everyone who has them, keep it to yourself, if you don't, and want it, you should know how to contact them to get it, if you don't fall into either catagory, then leave it ALONE!

Well, this is a start
and this is kind of a no brainer
and please don't forget this little tidbit!! (Like our president seems to have done!) :flames

I know this has been in the news for some time now, and for personal reasons I've not said anything about it, but damn some of this shit just pisses me off! :pummel

What upsets me more than anything, is the fact that just because I'm gay, some people in this country think I'm not entitled to the same rights as my hetero friends
:wtf
I fought long and hard to come out of the closet, I'll be damned if I'm going to let some politician try to put me back in.
I pay my taxes, I vote, I don't break any (major) laws :smile, I should have just as many rights as anyone else in this country does...but I don't.

And, on a final note, it's NOT ABOUT RELIGION!! If that were the case, I would have never been considered married (*shudders* at that memory) as that took place in the court house basement with a JP. Besides...separation of church and state is still a part of our law last time I checked :let_it_all_out

I swear, people are going out of their way to piss me off this year...
yesterday morning, while at work, I get told by one of the guests, that "If you lived where we do, you wouldn't be able to do this job"
:wtf
not because I'm not DAMN GOOD at my job, but because a woman should not work nights, alone. :let_it_all_out
excuse me?!?!?!
I politely informed him that not only was it discrimination, but also illegal
to which he said "well yes, but its only a problem if someone makes a fuss about it"
to which I not so politely informed him, that I'm definitely the type of person who WOULD!!

but once again, the :asshole of the moment award goes to *drum roll please*
MY EX!!
he and the kids are down at my fathers (long story, we won't go into it, suffice it to say the 2 of them get along better than me and my father do) and went 4-wheeling yesterday
not a problem
apparently him and my oldest son got dumped off, and said son almost got run over...
to give the :asshole credit, he did put his leg up and stop it from doing that...
they're both scraped up...apparently the ex is in pretty rough shape
however, I didn't know anything about this until this morning!!! :angry
If I had DARED pull something like that, and not let him know if something had happened IMMEDIATELY if not sooner, I would have heard about it for MONTHS ON END!! :flames
and before anyone jumps my case, yes, I know better than anyone that accidents happen, hell, had my fair share of them
but FFS, I'm his MOTHER, I at least deserve a damn PHONE CALL!!!
:greenchainsaw

I really cannot believe the stupidity of some people...
if you're at work, even if you only have 'basic' computer knowledge...
DON'T surf porn sites
DON'T download spyware/malware, or for that matter, ANYTHING!!
you are there to WORK...not play around and surf porn on the Internet all day...you were warned...
and when the 'resident computer geek' busts you doing it, and puts a stop to it (with managements consent and permission, tyvm) don't try to make her out to be the bad guy!! You were caught, the least you could do is own up to it.
and giving ultimatums and then quitting is really quite childish...you'd been looking for a reason to quit for weeks, and it wasn't like you were up for most valuable employee anyway...
good luck to you...you're gonna need it if you keep this crap up!

damn...good thing I can use the overtime!

well...things have been just lovely here...how bout y'all?

My landlord came over today to get the rent...after I handed him the check he says to me
him: "I hate to do this (then don't is what I'm thinking) but I need you to be out by the first of the month"
me: 'excuse me?'
him: "I need to raise the rent by $100.00, so I need you to move so I can do that."
me: "this place is gonna need ALLOT of work before you can do that"
him: "I know, I'm going to move in and work on it, so my son can live in the property I'm living in now...things have been so tight for me since the divorce that I have to do this"
me: kind of a hard time to do it...right before the holidays like that.
him: well, there's really no good time to do it, if you need a couple more days, just let me know and I'll see what I can do.
me..thinking to self: gee..how nice of you *rolling eyes*

so now, on top of everything else, I have to move in the next 3 weeks...yes, I know they are supposed to give 30 days notice in most cases, however, my landlord is a Judge (only one in town)...what am I gonna do...take him to court?

I'm at a loss of what to do, do I find a place here, where there's not much left in my price range, but I have a job that no matter how much I gripe about it, I really do like...look for a job elsewhere and move there where there's more options (aka, money and places to live)...and what about my kids...*sighs*...move them...fight to take them, settle for only having them during summer and vacation time...
when I said I wasn't sure how much more I could take...it wasn't a challenge dammit!!!

well...apparently the person I was training decided he couldn't hack it either...he decided to call in and quit 2 1/2 hours before his shift started tonight...:angry
will someone please tell me why in the HELL, I'm feeling guilty about not being able to go in? :hum
I'm not the manager...
yes, I would get overtime...$10.50 an hour (mind you, I've already got 7 1/2 hours of OT this paycheck)
I've got 2 kids here sleeping...no way can I go in...my boss and I have both been up since 4:30 am...but she's the one working tonight...we can't find anyone else that can cover it.
and I'm feeling guilty...:fdup
I'm also mad as hell because I find it hard to believe someplace is going to call you at 8pm at night, and offer you a job, but only if you start the next day! (yea, I was born yesterday and fell for that line of crap :uhoh3)

to top it all off, we also found out tonight that inspection is Wed. which means everyone is going to be working their asses off until that's over
:pummel
well...better get :sleeping...who knows when I'll get another night off
:wtf

you've got to be kidding me!

So this is the worst thing he can come up with to make an issue about right now?
:wtf
I must have missed something here...like whatever it was that makes him an authority on raising children (we all know his own turned out SO well!) not to mention what makes him an expert on what is right for every person in America.

However, it doesn't look like some other 'experts' agree with him on the whole 'family' issue...

The nation's leading child welfare, psychological and children's health organizations also have issued policy or position statements declaring that a parent's sexual orientation is irrelevant to his or her ability to raise a child. Many also have condemned discrimination based on sexual orientation in adoption, custody and other parenting situations and called for equal rights for all parents and children. Further, several of these organizations also have issued statements declaring that a parent's gender identity and/or physical appearance is irrelevant to his or her abilities as a parent
(**and not just one group, several links to groups that feel this way on this page**)

This part also jumped out at me
We are also working to make sure that the Federal Government does not penalize marriage. My tax relief package eliminated the marriage penalty.

What marriage penalty? Last I checked, single/no dependents were the ones paying in the most, while married filing jointly was substantially lower (in most cases)

Last point...I wonder, if it's more that coincidence, that his "Marriage Protection Week" (protection from what??) starts the day after "National Coming out Day" (which is today BTW :smile )

We're not asking for "special" treatment, we just want the same treatment and rights everyone else is entitled to!

Click here to tell the President not to support discrimination
Click here to sign the Million for Marriage petition

OK, in the wake of this, as I'm sure most of you know the vatican has this to say.

"Directed to Roman Catholic bishops and legislators worldwide, the guidelines declare that lawmakers have a "moral duty" to oppose laws that grant legal status to gay couples."

they're kidding, right? the Catholic church has the nerve to talk to anyone about morals??
I think personally, shrub needs to focus more on his foreign policy, instead of whether or not the 'correct' people are falling in love and want to spend their lives together.
Besides, doesn't the constitution still state:

"we can not legally set apart one group of citizens from the rest."

as far as this church is concerned, I don't think they have any room to speak to anyone about morals

Well folks, I've got to go to work...but here's some interesting reading on the topic below

PRESIDENT BUSH OUT OF STEP
EQUALITY CALIFORNIA DENOUNCES BUSH'S
SUPPORT OF DISCRIMINATORY MARRIAGE LAWS
NSD DENOUNCES PRESIDENTIAL CALL TO LIMIT MARRIAGE

Shrub has officially said it, I wonder what the F**k he's so damn afraid of?
Not sure what I'm talking about? Click here to find out!
You know, I'm all for standing by your beliefs, and if you practice a religion, I'm fine with that to, however, when it starts to interfere with MY life, you pissed me off!!!
I didn't vote for the SOB, (didn't vote for his daddy either), my religion is NOT his religion, so how come he seems hell bent on cramming his down my throat?? (hello!! separation of church and state! unless he's managed to ban that, it's still in effect)

And what LEGAL reason do they have for wanting to 'reserve' it? the only thing I've heard spouted off is moral arguments, and I'm seriously tired of them trying to push their morality off on me to!

It pisses me off that in this 'so called' land of the free, I'm not free to legally marry someone of my choosing...hell, why do they need to make it a law? It's not legal now, you can't get a same sex marriage anywhere in america (no, civil union is not the same folks!) so what's the deal?

Yea, that REALLY struck me the wrong way :angry

OK guy's and gal's, my gal, as you can see from the links at the top of the page, is participating in the blogathon this year!
as much as I wish I could, I have to work that night :-(
however, I think she's doing it for a GREAT cause! she's bloging for GLAD-Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders.
so :wtf are you waiting for? go sponsor her!! you don't have to donate until after it's over, and you give it directly to the charity!
so go on, get out of here!!
and thank you *s*

or is that deviant?
oh well, no matter!
I actually had some time yesterday to read a few blogs, so of course I head over to -e-'s, where I found quite an interesting little situation going on *s*, now this is always good for killing time on the net, so naturally I went to check it out.
It was about a subject near to my heart/home...so even though most of these blogs I'd never even heard of before (nor they of me I'm sure), I found myself getting sucked into it, disagreeing with people who had no earthly idea who the heck I was, and finding myself explaining that I really DON'T get pissed off that easily!! (I swear, really, I don't!!)
Now, I've always been told I'd argue with a brick wall...and to a point, that's true, even if I agree with you, I'll still try to make you look at it from all sides and see that why I believe that, may not be for the same reasons you believe it...that's just me.
it also brought to mind something else, something I've always tried to be true to...I'm not sure who I stole it from, and I know it's not an exact quote, but I reworded it a bit to fit how I see it...
"I may not agree with you, or what you have to say, but will defend to the death your right to feel/say it"
which is why I don't understand the way some people act, irl or on-line, especially on-line! if you have a blog with comments, and you bring up a controversial issue (like gay marriage in this instance) you're going to get some opposing views...not everyone agrees with that, and they're entitled to that (wrong, IMHO, but entitled! *g*) and while I also agree with the point that comparing it to pedophiles is way off base and not even in the same ballpark, I did read those comments for what they were worth and the point they were trying to make with it.

I still disagree with the whole 'choice' issue, I can't think of one person who would choose to belong to a group, knowing they would be looked down on, not given the same rights and privileges as others, bashed, beaten, and in cases even killed for how they feel. Some have an easier time of 'coming out' than others, some (such as myself) stay in there for years, and some stay in there for life, trying to live so called 'normal' lives, in spite of their feelings...it's NOT easy, and all most of us want is the same rights that everyone else takes for granted.

that being said, I'll step down off the soapbox now...as always comments on your point of view are more than welcome, however, be careful, I WILL try to change your mind if I don't agree...however, will never edit or delete anything...my skin is not that thin :rofl

Well, just when I was wondering what else could go wrong, something came along to answer me.
First off, the dickhead from the morning before didn't leave like he was told, and I was thisclose to knocking him out and having him carried off the property.

Then my computer went 'kaput'
dead
toast
nadda, nothing...zero, zip, zilch
I think its either the video card, or the motherboard...
fortunatly, I have 2 computers
unfortunatly, this one I'm on will only boot with the 98se hard drive hooked up (I hate 98...I want my win2k dammit!!)
plus, everything I use is on there...this computer hasn't been online in over 2 years!! (lot of updates!) and I uninstalled OE (thinking I wouldn't need it) so now I can't even get my mail till that finishes downloading! *major pout*
so how was YOUR weekend??

I've worked nights for almost 2 years now, (this time) and for the most part, even though people are tired, cranky, and sometimes hard to get along with...very few have ever been downright rude!

Well, that changed this morning.

I had a guest, that came into an 'employee only' area, and proceeded to try to set out breakfast, when I informed him that breakfast didn't start until 7:00am on weekends, he told me:
I was wrong,
The 'manager' had told him he could have breakfast before he left (excuse me, the little blond that works morning is no more a manager than I am!)
and that I could go to hell.
then pushed at me (at which I was so surprised I almost fell into the cart)

In all my years of dealing with dick-heads, that was a first. I've never felt physically threatened while at work, nor have I ever had such an overwhelming desire to choke the shit out of some asshole that deserved it soooo much.(and the thing that really sux is I wasn't able to do so!!)

So I called my boss, who of course backed me up, got him on the phone, and told him he needed to go down the road, she didn't have her clerks up there to be treated that way. (for the record, I never call my boss on my shift, unless something is REALLY wrong, and she knows this)
Then the fucker lied and said he didn't cuss me (to my boss), so I repeated exactly what he had said, (telling me to go to hell) and he said "well, go then!"

It took me a good 30 minutes, and talking to 4 different people (Bluewolf, and 3 co-workers) before I was calm enough to document everything that happened...(we have to document in case the asshole calls our home office)

So I'm not feeling frustrated enough by all this...I am contacted today by someone who's blog I did...
I love tech support, I love helping people with their blogs, templates, and sites...and each site I help with or do, I do tend to feel a little 'protective' toward.
I couldn't help this time, the host had changed and I no longer had access to anything :sad
nothing I can do about it, right? Not my problem, not my site, nothing to do with me...
then why do I feel like one of my children just ran away?....

Not that I'm knocking you if you are, but after finding THIS over at Gina's
:uhoh3
Definitally some :fdup if I ever saw it!

Sorry if anyone playing this game had bought shares in my blog, but I finally got the notice yesterday that it's been de-listed. (per my request over a week ago!)
I found it very interesting that the post that started all of this mess has mysteriously disapeared...
and then not 2 hours after I got my removal notice, I get the notice saying they're going public...ummm, yea, I give a shit, NOT!
for those that don't know what I'm referring to, you're probably better off...

now on to better news!!
Being a 'tech support' :biglaugha goddess is not without its' perks!
especially when your boss doesn't have a clue about computers :biggrin
I got called into work (again) yesterday, (second time in 2 weeks) on my 'day off'
took me about 15 min. to fix the problem, so I thought...wtf...

t=me, s=my boss

t-So now that I've fixed your problem, would this be a good time to ask for a favor? *s*
s-yes it would, better than most anyway
t-well....it wouldn't be till the first week of July...(hopeful)
s-oh, the week of July 4th, when NO ONE gets special time off work
t-ummm..yea, that would be the one...
t-but, well, Lori's birthday is July 2nd
t-and I would be willing to work extra time for it!
s-(pulling out calendar) So what day's are we talking about here?
t-well, since the end of the month falls on a Monday, and I usually have that off, but would have to come in anyway to finish up paperwork, why don't I work that monday, and take off the first-forth, and come back on the fifth? and I'll even work the following Mon. and Tues. if I need to (very, very hopeful voice)
s-well....I think we can work with that...don't forget to leave me a note so I can rework the schedule.
t-so I can go ahead and make my flight plans???
s-yea, go ahead, now get out of here before I change my mind! (laughing)
t-you're the greatest, s...see you later! (dashing for the door)

which in a nutshell means, the first week in July, my happy a** will be in Mass. :banana
I could so learn to like summer :sun_smiley

ok folks, don't pass out, but for the first time in longer than I can remember, I'm posting for the 3rd time in a week! (shocking I know!)

I received this in my email today, whether or not it's true *shrugs* I really don't know, but it was very well written, and if my children had ever asked me this, I only hope I could explain it half as well...

Well I think I'd better make another post about this here, instead of hijacking my own comment box. because obviously this is something that I feel very strongly about.

Dr. D. you made the point that

Looking at marriage, it is a bond recognized by the church that is legal between a man and a woman.

I personally don't care if it's recognized by the church, because (as this post points out), there is supposed to be separation of church and state here...I would however like for it to be recognized as legal by the 'state' (or country as the case may be) I don't think it's fair for it to be legal in some areas, but not in others, such as is pointed out in This case (and the final decision on that can be read HERE) IMHO that's just not right, that would NEVER have happened if the 2 parties involved had been of the opposite sex!

Now for the 'choosing' part :smile
I have said this before, although I don't think it was here on my blog.
The only "choice" for me, was the one to stop lying to everyone else, including myself, and admit how I really felt. If it was truly a 'choice' I don't think anyone would choose to belong to a group of people who are criticized, looked down upon, discriminated against on a routine basis, and not to mention in some peoples eyes, an 'abomination'...I'm pretty certain no one would ever 'choose' to be viewed or treated that way...
but that's just my opinion, I could be wrong :smile

sorry about the empty page here lately folks, between working (real, paying job) sleeping (which I cannot seem to get enough of lately) kids, NSO stuffies, and playing around with stuff on my own site,(if you're interested, This is what I've been working on, note, its not done yet!) I'm afraid I've been rather lax in posting.

I have been keeping up (somewhat) with my reads, and the other day was reading THIS the other day over at MadBull's blog, and one of the questions in the comments got me thinking (*authors note, I never said my posts had to make allot of sense!*)

Or should the state be able to dictate what we can or cannot use?

So naturally with the way my mind works at times, and considering "freedom" has been banded about allot here lately...how much right does the state and/or country we live in have to tell us what we can do and how to live our lives?
Now obviously there are 'no brainers' when it comes to this...if you kill someone obviously you're going to go to jail (or at least I hope you are!) rob someone, assault, etc...you get my point here, but what I'm referring to are things that allot of people take for granted...and some of you might want to stop reading right here....

In every state in the US., in every country across the world (I'm fairly certain) if you are married in another state/country, if you move, that marriage is recognized...
IF you are a man and a woman
HOWEVER, if you are a same-sex couple, even if the marriage is legal where you obtained it, if you move somewhere where it's not (legally) recognized, thats tough, you're out of luck

U. S. and State Laws Defining Marriage. In 1996, Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA, P. L. 104-199). That law limits marriage, for federal program purposes, to unions of one man and one woman. It provides that a state cannot be forced to recognize another state or country's statutory or judge-made laws extending marriage to same-sex couples.

Between 1996 and 2000, 36 states passed laws generally modeled on the federal DOMA. Three also amended their constitutions to limit marriage to unions between two people of the opposite sex.

So, what you're telling me is in this 'land of the free' I don't even have the freedom to legally marry whomever I choose??
and before you pull out your 'religion/god' card...might I remind you, that this country was founded on people trying to escape religious persecution, and obtain religious freedoms, and as far as I'm aware there is still a law separating church and state.

yea, my mind seems to take some interesting twists and turns at times...

I heard a song today, it sent chills through me.
Let me state that hell no I don't want a war, but this song really does sum it all up for me...so I will let it speak for itself, and for me during this time of so much uncertainty...may we never forget...

Have You Forgotten?

I hear people saying we don't need this war
I say there's some things worth fighting for
What about our freedom and this piece of ground?
We didn't get to keep 'em by backing down
They say we don't realize the mess we're getting in
Before you start preaching
Let me ask you this my friend

CHORUS 1
Have you forgotten how it felt that day
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away?
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside
Going through a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

They took all the footage off my T.V.
Said it's too disturbing for you and me
It'll just breed anger that's what the experts say
If it was up to me I'd show it every day
Some say this country's just out looking for a fight
After 9/11 man I'd have to say that's right

CHORUS 1
Have you forgotten how it felt that day
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away?
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside
Going through a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

I've been there with the soldiers
Who've gone away to war
And you can bet they remember
Just what they're fighting for

CHORUS 2
Have you forgotten all the people killed?
Some went down like heroes in that Pennsylvania field
Have you forgotten about our Pentagon?
All the loved ones that we lost
And those left to carry on
Don't you tell me not to worry about Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?

damn how time flies when you're having fun
on a good note, I did get my tax return back and am very close to becoming debt free.
I'm not very music-ly inclined, however, I wish I had more good notes to hit!
this week was the gal that works nights on my nights off, last week.
yesterday, the gal that was supposed to take her place (next week) calls and quits (yes, this is before she even started!)
my boss calls me tonight, saying she's home in bed, Dr's orders, pneumonia, told her she should have gone home several days ago and taken better care of herself!

on here, have put the finishing touches on a site I've been working on a while, I was pretty pleased with it, and the client seemed to be also...so I guess that is another good note after all...
**and if I ever get this months newsletter out I might not turn on my computer for a week!!**
ok, yea I will, I've also been working on a new blog...this time one for me! I've been wanting to try my hand at doing a photo-log for a while now, to make it easier to update the pictures I had over at the old site, I think the last pictures I had up over there was the oldest 6th birthday, and well...he's 9 now :blush so when it's ready for public viewing, you guys will be the first to know!
So now, I'm going to end this day from hell, and this post, and go take a nap before I have to go to work *s*
have a great night everyone!

I try not to bitch to much about my job...
no seriously! I do know that especially with the last place I worked closing down last month and putting over 100 people out of work, I'm very lucky to have something that I not only enjoy, but I'm damn good at, and I know my work is appreciated very much by my boss. Not to mention jobs in this area are hard to come by anyway!
however, let me give you a little background here...
the gal that does night audit on my (2) nights off, is leaving next month...her last day will be the 4th.
not a problem, we've already got someone to take her place.
Last night, when I got home and checked the caller id, I had 4 calls from work...I thought she had a question about something.
oh yea she did, wondered how much sleep I'd had cause 'she wasn't feeling well', but she worked anyway, (and called me 4 more times before 7:30am) :yawn
so this evening I come home and there's another call from work (I really have to stop calling these people back...) apparently she called in sick and if the girl we have on backup can't work would I work? :angry
do I have a choice?
ummm, not really as I'm the only other person that knows how to do that job up there...so I'm waiting on the call to tell me if I'm working tonight or not
:fdup
the thing that ticks me off the most is I've NEVER called in sick at this place, I've been there sicker than a damn dog and they all knew it...she only works 2 nights a week, its not that hard of a job to do, if you don't feel well just do the damn paperwork and let the rest of it go (hell everyone else does!) I've already had to go in once today (off the clock) because she screwed up last night and I get to fix it (oh joy) :uhoh3 like I don't fix enough after I come back from my nights off :wtf...this is not brain surgery people...
must be nice to call in when you don't feel well :let_it_all_out
OK, I do feel better now :sun_smiley
but better go catch some :sleeping
later all!

I've been trying to post for the last 4 days, since I first read about this over on revo's blog...
no, nothings wrong with my computer, and I'm feeling better (good enough to die anyway :lol) it seems though, when I wasn't looking, somehow I got a life and its been keeping me way to dang busy!!
I also wanted to say Happy Belated Valentines Day to everyone...(excuse: I was born 3 weeks late, been trying to catch up ever since)
well, it seems that in their infinite wisdom, the court has decided to order mediation...personally I think if that was going to work the original agreement would have been fine, however, one must jump through all the hoops *rolling eyes* and we have a date, EX got his papers on it yesterday, and so now of course my life is a living hell...it seems he wants every little thing we were going to split up (such as kids year end awards, certificates etc...) done right now...(we both wanted copies of everything, and I hadn't done it yet) and the comment was made that "things are fixing to get ugly"
well let me tell you this...they don't have to be, I can end all this right now...just give me my kids, and let me leave this backwater town where I have absolutely nothing here to hold me...
except my kids...thats the reason I'm here, thats the reason I stay...and no matter what happens they are going to know their mama did her damnedest to do what she thinks is the best thing for them!

*sighs* OK people, coming soon, a happy post, one that I wanted to make yesterday...just let me get some sleep first :smile

:sad
I'm sick!
fever, chills, sore throat, earache, stuffy head, cough, and a general 'oh my god I don't want to move' feeling throughout my body.
I'm strung out on cold pills
so WHY THE HELL CAN'T I GO TO SLEEP???
this is so not fair...
I can feel exhaustion in every pore of my body...but I've tried and tried and just can't sleep...:sad...and can't focus enough to really DO anything *sighs*
Dammit I HATE being sick!! :angry
</pity party>

What ever happened to responsibility?
Maybe it was how I was raised, or possibly I'm just being overly simplistic, but IMHO I think we should be considered (with certain exceptions) responsible for our own actions....and in the case of minors, the PARENT is responsible for the child and what they allow that child to do.

I had a conversation with a co-worker the other morning, that in a way relates to this. We were discussing a mutual acquaintance and couldn't believe he had quit his job with the state, it was in the field his degree was in, great money and benefits, not to mention he's 25 and married with 2 kids. Oh, did I mention he also lives with his grandpa on property that belongs to his family? So basically his only real bill is his car payment. This amazes me on so many levels, mainly due to being on my own since 17 and never liking to feel I "owed" anyone for anything...but I'm getting off track here a bit...

Fast Forward to last night, I get to work and find out that 2 mothers have been calling up there looking for their daughters, who it seems have been spending time with several members of a work crew that have been staying with us. These girls are 17, which I realize in some states is legal, however we're not one of them. Then I found out that apparently 2 other girls have also been doing the same (all 4 are related) these other to are 14 and 15!!!
Now I'm not trying to excuse what these men may or may not have been doing with said teenagers (personally I don't get what grown men could see in such young girls) however, what i want to know is where the HELL are their parents in all this??? Do you not know what your child is doing or where they are when they leave the house? And when you do get your head out of the sand don't call someone else and go on about it like it's their fault, we don't get paid to be your babysitter up here, that's your job!!

Sorry for this rant folks, but to top all this off is, apparently after this daughter got home, the mother had her call up here and ask for one of the guys rooms, so we transfered her, she (the mother) called back up and blasted my co-worker (who was still here) and said "I don't want you to transfer my daughter to his room anymore."
Sorry lady, we don't screen our guests phone calls, I suggest if you don't want her talking to him, pull the plug on her!
It is your house, and you are the one responsible for her...arn't you? :angry

Maybe my father is right, maybe I AM a man-hater, I know for damn sure there is one I cannot fucking STAND!:angry WTF I was thinking when I married that man I have no clue, and is it to late to plead temporary insanity?:sad

As everyone who reads this on a regular basis knows I have an ex-husband from hell, also as most know I had to give up the addy to this domain due to disclosure in our upcoming court case, (hence the reasoning behind all the 'fluff' posts lately) so I have absolutely no doubt he will read this post.
Now ask me if I give a shit.
I'm actually counting on it.:rofl
So sit back and hang on, this might get a tad bit longer than what you're used to.

Last year my oldest son was in cub scouts, no problem right?
We would both go to the meetings etc... and I actually had a clue what was going on and would talk to the other parents there (god forbid!!)
He got pissed about this, we had an argument (oh big surprise there) that ended with him saying that he did not want me involved in the boys scouting and that was HIS thing with them, and all that I was trying to do was take it over.
Bullshit
So, I backed down (again nothing new, I did it through 10 ½ years of marriage) and let him have his 'thing' with the kids.
Now this year we have 2 kids in scouts, and he is the one taking them, I keep the youngest while they go do their thing. (and I might add we have a blast by ourselves :smile)
However
For some reason, something I'm supposed to have NOTHING to do with, I'm still expected to pay ½ of their dues and uniforms, I still have to purchase whatever it is they're selling to help support it, (oh yea, right before Christmas I can really afford that, NOT) he keeps nickel and diming me to death on this bullshit that we almost came to blows over last year!:angry:angry:angry
Now tonight, I discover that they have a Xmas parade coming up Saturday, ok, yes I knew about it, however I did not know any details, such as time etc...come to find out they have to have costumes, and he wanted me to make one of them (nice time to tell me this don't you think? 2 days beforehand) he had also already decided that they would not be in it, ok fine, then he tries to put the blame off on me in front of the kids, saying that he had to work and since I've had this job that I've never taken a day off for anything, (like I can fucking afford to with all he keeps taping me for!) then it happened, the other shoe dropped, I have been braced for it for some time now considering how nice he had been lately (guess he needed help with the god damn popcorn sales or something) but he just HAD to throw my vacation in there, telling the boys that I had one coming up and 'mamma should be able to spend time with you then, but she's going out of town'
So I told them yes, we were going to their grandma's the first weekend then I would be going out of town, they would be in school at that time, and reminded them that I was allowed to have a life. To which he said 'yes and if she doesn't want to share it with you...' and left it at that.
That is complete and absolute BULLSHIT!!
If I didn't want that I wouldn't be fighting so damn hard right now, I wouldn't be working my ass off to get somewhere further than I am right now, but for gods sake I'm allowed to have a little time for ME, just because I go out of town for a week does not make me a bad mother, now if I was going and wasn't sure my kids would be properly cared for then yes, that would make me a bad mother, but I know better than that, I know they will be well taken care of.
Now, as for how much time I spend with them, I spend every moment I can get with them, I pick them up from school, because that horrible job the he keeps ragging on allows me the schedule to be able to do that! Help them with homework, and listen to them tell me on a regular basis 'you're the best mommy that ever lived'
Oh yes I'm sure they just think I'm horrible (rolling eyes)
It's true, if they don't want to come over here I don't force the issue, I don't try to bribe or guilt them into doing so, I am secure in my children's love for me...which makes me wonder what is going through your head when you do those things...:blush

Working nights on a rainy non-holiday weekend often gives one way to much time to think...expecially when everything is balanced and I'm not (accidentally) deleting the check-inn program!

I've been very frustrated this last month, between issues with the new system at work, a co-workers house burning down, renovation (also at work) being pulled in 10 different directions at once by family and friends and wondering when the other shoe will drop in matters I'd rather not post about, it's no wonder I want to run away! (needless to say to the one thing in my life that is going absolutely wonderfully :smile) but I digress...

I have let some issues get to me a little to much, things I would have, under normal circumstances overlooked, have upset me more than I should have let them, and stuff I would have normally played "devils advocate" on and tried to get others to see things in a different light, I've instead gotten right in the middle of, even though I'm not certain how it all got started to begin with.

Anyway...tonights thought's...
I've always been one that believed we are each responsible for our own happiness (and still believe that no one but you can make you happy, it just depends how you go about doing it) and if you're miserable, well it's your own damn fault (meaning don't go blaming your parents, partner, spouse, etc...if you're unhappy there, leave dammit) however, recent events have been showing me this may be an overly simplistic view...
When I was married I was miserable, yet I stayed, due to reasons again I'd rather not post in such a public forum, those that need to know, know why I did...
but here lately, I've been the same way for different reasons, but the outcome is the same, this time however, there is nothing I can do about it! (do you get the impression I'm not a really patient person? :lol)
I know it will pass, I even know what the outcome will be when it does, however that is doing nothing for my frustration level at the current time!!
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this thought...(heck maybe I just felt the need to post something besides asinine test results!)
so lets take a poll, of the 9 or so readers I might have left (2 of which might make it this far into this ramble) are we each "master of our own feelings" or possibly do outside influences and circumstances have more to do with it than possibly we would like to admit?
cause I'm just not sure anymore...

OK Jamie! I'm posting dammit! I would however like to take this time to say that if you would quit bugging me to put up little things like :angry these I would have more time to post...
or maybe I just figure if people want something to read they can go to your site since you seem to be on a posting frenzy these days :lol

things at work haven't calmed down much, and now it seems that some big wig in the company has decided he's back in high school and going to accuse me of things that are not true behind my back to my boss, thank god she does (I think) know me better than that! for Christs sake I've probably forgotten more about computers than he knew to begin with...and he wants to say I must have 'accidentally' deleted a program? WTF? first off it wasn't deleted, it was uninstalled, second, if I had done it I damn sure know how to recover it! third, if it had been me I would have ADMITTED IT!
and fourth, yes, when a computer is continually on the Internet it is VERY possible for someone to hack the system..thats why they are called hackers, and yes they do know what they're doing (however he seems to think that 'they wouldn't know how to do that') :angry
OK, that was probably more than most wanted to know...:lol

lets see...what else has been going on...
I'm sick, have have a cold :sad been feeling miserable and sleeping to much...
I'm ready for vacation, I'm ready for things to move forward...I'm ready for a damn BREAK!

I'm also ready for my goddamn EX to quit calling me!!
I just got off the phone with him..and got told that "you need to make more time to spend with your boys, they want to spend time with you"
THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
I have all the time in the world for my kids, I love spending time with them...at OUR house...
whereas he seems to think I should come over there to spend time with them...I'm sorry, I'm just not that fond of him that I want to spend that much time in his company, it stresses me out, and I'm exhausted from the time I do have to deal with him
as for my kids wanting to spend time with me, they know they can do that...and they know when, the fact is if this was actually the case they would not say that they wanted to go to their dad's house instead of staying here with me...so that excuse is not gonna ride.
and to him, because I know he will be pouring over this soon...we haven't had a Saturday chat in almost a year, so KMA...you don't know near as much as you think you do! :rofl

I really hate when something happens that reminds me that I’m human (yes folks, it’s true, seriously!
A week and a half ago we got a new system at work and now we are finally computerized! And guess who got to set it up…yep, yours truly ;-)
Now don’t get me wrong, I love this stuff… hooking up hardware, customizing the software we are using, getting our phone system to interface with both…oh yea, second only to sex in my book *S*
There is only one problem with this…
The people I work with, with the exception of being able to log onto the Internet, are clueless when it comes to computers it seems.
This week we have been running the new system side by side with the old one, so we can get familiar with the new one and make sure everything is matching up the way it’s supposed to…
Everyday this week I have gotten calls…
T, I’m not balancing.
T, we accidentally deleted so and so out…how do I fix that?
T, how do I fix this problem, its not coming out right?
And so on…
Now I would like to think I work with people that have a reasonable level of intelligence…however I AM beginning to wonder! This week alone they have managed to delete out 2 guests that shouldn’t have been, totally mess up the A/R system, and call me every dang day (yes, even my ‘days off’) with some new and inventive problem…
And I fixed them all…every last one of them…
Don’t get me wrong, its nice to feel needed, would be even nicer if that ‘need’ was reflected on my paycheck though…but once again I’m managing to get off the topic I had intended to post about…which is actually related to this, but I still didn’t mean to ramble on like that :-)
Yesterday, something happened that I usually call ‘hitting the wall’. I get to a point I’m so totally exhausted that I can no longer function…I hate when that happens.
Normally when I’m asleep the phone will wake me up, I have kids in school, I “need” that to wake me, due to if something goes wrong they need to be able to contact me.
Yesterday I came home and died I actually got 6 phone calls while I was sleeping and did not hear or answer one of them (unfortunately the one from work didn’t come until after I was awake)
I hate when this feeling comes, I am exhausted, I can’t focus, I feel totally outside of myself…and I don’t know how to fix it…I’m depressed, can cry at the drop of a hat, and wish everyone on the face of the earth would just drop off because I really don’t feel like dealing with them.
This hasn’t hit me in a long time, but honestly I feel I should have seen it coming.
The uncertainty of what’s going on in my own life right now, not knowing what the future is going to be, the frustration over being stuck in this holding pattern, couple that with lack of sleep, rushing to get things that I need to get done and really not having time to do them…which turns into a vicious cycle cause then I sacrifice sleep to get them done…and feeling that everything in my life right now is in the hands of someone else and not knowing what the hell they’re doing with it…something’s got to give.
Until then, anyone got a jackhammer?

I'm sure in everyones life there is unfinished business, something that while maybe we wouldn't change the way things are now for us, we wish we could find out why things went the way they did before...I am no different (OK well maybe I am but not in pertaining to this *s*)
last year I was briefly involved with someone who at the time I thought was almost perfect, (in retrospect I realize that was not the case)...he actually knew and did not have a problem with my attraction to women..(and no not for the reasons you think)..and he was the polar opposite of my EX, (as much as he could be still being a guy that is) that I think went a long way toward any attraction I felt at the time.
So for long time readers of the blog, you might remember what happened, for my new readers to make a long story shorter he walked out of my life, completely (so I thought), 2 days before my birthday, less than a week before the protective order case against my ex came up (he was supposed to testify as a witness at that) never to be heard from again.
during the last year, since I have reopened the custody issue, I have had his name thrown at me on several occasions with reference to 'things I don't know about him' and 'you will find out' type threats made at me.
so needless to say that I wanted to get my hands on him (again not in the way you think!) to wring his chicken shit neck would be an understatement, I also wanted to know what the HELL his investigator could have possibly found out that would be an issue as it pertains to my case (he had been around the boys for a brief period, and never alone)
and yes I also wanted to know why I didn't even rate a phone call..I mean good god even I will call to tell someone to kiss off!
so last night, I get to work (with BlueWolf on the phone as usual *s*) and look at the occupancy sheet...
the company he worked for had 2 rooms rented (oh crap..I don't need this shit)
so yes, I checked..he was the one that signed for the room
yea you see where this is going don't you?
after almost a year I have the opportunity to get those questions answered, to put my mind at rest, to find out if there are any 'bombshells' I need to be prepared for during the trial.
so much has happened since all that...I really have no desire or want to see him..I'm completely satisfied with my life, with the exception of not having my kids full time and being where I want to be..where I NEED to be..I could not ask for anything more..for the first time in my life I feel complete and yes HAPPY..I never knew what that was before..
but human nature I guess..causes us to wonder why..what happened to cause such a reaction, and do I need to be worried about it happening again?
cause yes I do worry about such things..I know in my heart I have no need to be but still one wonders "was it me? was it something about me that caused this?" that need to know if there is something I need to change is there...
and I don't want to cause her any worry..even though there is not a need for it or a reason, that is the last thing I would want to do is cause her pain..she's had enough of that in her life...
but the decision was taken out of my hands, yes he walked into the lobby..and the only feeling I had was wanting to smack the smug smile off his face..
but I didn't..and he even told me to...
so I asked..why?
and is their anything I need to be concerned about being used to keep my kids from me buried in your past? (yes I did even ask him if he was a registered sex offender! *L*)
do I feel I got an honest answer? well no not really..he is a male after all..I think they are genetically programed to be full of shit.
do I feel better about a bomb being dropped in open court? yes, in that aspect I do
did I tell him about her? yes, everything...(he knows he doesn't have a prayer)..I refuse to jeopardize my life or relationship, especially my relationship!!
do I feel there is still unfinished business? yes...not as much..and not necessarily with him per sey..but yes...there is still that wonder of what is so wrong with me that makes it so easy for everyone to walk away..

today is the first day of school here..I swear its not time yet..
so much was supposed to be done by the end of the summer and its not, still waiting and wondering..and getting more frustrated by the day about it.

yesterday we went school shopping, for those of you who don't get to experience this joy let me tell ya..you're missing out
for those that do, well try it with your ex sometime..
I don't feel comfortable around him, so I tend to talk and ramble on when he's around to try and cover this..couple this with my kids tendency to talk about anything that strikes them and you have the makings of one hell of a migraine..
I think know he's up to something..

anyway..I have a question for you parents out there who tirelessly search the isles for every asinine thing the teachers put on the school supply lists..(you know what I mean, what exactly *are* twist up crayons, crayola glue with the no clog tip (what ever happened to Elmer's?))
I don't know about where you live, but here the store has the lists for all of the area schools right as you walk in..so it would seem any sane person could look at it and see what types of things parents are going to need to buy for their kids this year right? now wouldn't it make sense to have said items actually in the store so as to make it more convenient for everyone..parent comes in, picks up list, picks up supplies, store makes money..
easy right?
wrong..
every single year since my kids have been in school there has always been ONE item that the store does not have..does not even CARRY!!
can someone please explain the logic of this? especially in this town where the next nearest place one can enjoy such torture (I hate shopping, I really do) is at least 45 min. away? I mean it costs more in gas to get there than the item itself!
fortunately..this year I lucked out..
while said store did not carry it..the local grocery store (and trust me thats giving it a lot more credit that IT'S due) did..
who knew that seeing more of their employees show up at PTA meetings would be such a good thing *s*

gOdOfMiScHiEf had a really interesting topic while I was surfing my reads this morning (more on why I'm up at this ungodly hour later)
basically (I think) hes asking 'can men and women be friends?'
in my previous single days (before I was married) I had mostly male friends. these were just friends, nothing romantic about them. when I made the mistake of getting married all of that ended. for no known reason except "a married woman shouldn't do that" I was no longer allowed to speak to another guy who was not a family member much less have one as a friend...lmao..I'm sure if he knew then what he knows now he wouldn't have worried about me talking to any guy! (women would have been another matter entirely however)

I'm sure most of this topic has to do with trust, do you trust the person you're with enough to allow them the freedom to be friends with whatever sex they are attracted to sexually? (or for my response this is how I'm going to take said topic)
I would have to say that depends on the people involved..from the comments I see whoever was the inspiration for this has allot of friends (of the sex she is attracted to) and an ex who cheated on her..this I have a problem with, not only the 'whats good for the goose is not good for the gander' aspect but making someone else pay for a crime that is not theirs to pay for.
if you trust your partner, it shouldn't matter who their friends are...this goes if you are bi, gay or straight..if you don't..well why are you with them? and also if you don't is it really their fault or someone else's?
let me close with this, I trust my partner impeccably, and I believe she does me also, if we have a problem with a friend of the others we talk about it..that is the key to a good relationship.
do I trust my ex? no, never did, and obviously he never did me either (based on history) and we see how that ended

I think its just a matter of trust, and communication..and whether you know how to do both..

after 17 nights in a row with no night off..3 of them training someone else..I FINALLY have a night off
actually 4 nights off..(to bad I don't have the money to go anywhere!)
oh god do I need them..this has been a total week from hell..I would swear there was a full moon all this week if I didn't know better..(and I do..remember I work nights *s*)
first every weirdo in the world decides to come to my motel, people please remember something when traveling
the person you see behind the desk does NOT set the rate, and they usually can only give you a discount to a certain point..do not chew out, berate, insult them just because you don't like it..trust me there is no way in the world they are making enough money where they could afford to stay in that same place they come to every day and don't need to put up with that kind of bullshit! and to be honest they really don't care how much cheaper the rates are else and if its so much better why the hell aren't you there?? also if something is not in your room and you do not take the time to call and notify the desk and give us the chance to correct such oversight on the housekeepers part, DO NOT I repeat DO NOT come in and gripe at said desk personel..it is not my fault nor my job description, and if you want to call the main office (of a chain that is independently owned and operated) here is the fucking card please go right ahead..dial 9 for an outside line *rolling eyes*
second I found out the ex went to his lawyers monday..right before taking my kids out of town for a 'week or so' I thought he was acting awfully nice that day..even said something about how good he was feeling..and here I thought he just got laid (should have known better..LOL), until my oldest told me about how long he was sitting in the waiting room while daddy talked to his lawyer..grrrrrrrrr..oh well at least this will be over soon (I hope)
school starts here on thursday..not really sure how I feel about this..I had expected so much more to be done by the end of summer and its not, however this does mean I get allot more time with my boys when I pick them up after school, so that part is definitely a good thing!

on a slightly different note, you've GOT to love when new ppl are working during this post I have gotten no less than 4 phone calls from the new gal with various problems she's having..and lucky me in a couple weeks I get to train her to on my job! oh joy..

I need sleep..wake me when this is all over..

there are allot of times something happens or I'll see something that I think I should post about..then I don't for whatever reason..
maybe I've waited to long and it's old news..
maybe I think no one will be interested..
or maybe it's just more than I think should be put on here due to prior circumstances..
I read allot of blogs (obviously, check my list) yes I really do read (just about) all of them at least once a day, about most I think "why can't I write like that?"
..who wants to hear about what I do all day (night?)
..my life is somewhat boring unless you want to hear about all night phone conversations and spending time with 3 wonderful kids
..unless you want to hear about the latest pages I'm building/helping with what I do on here isn't all that interesting either

the funny thing is what I find most interesting about most of the blogs I read is they are writing about just that!! everyday stuff that they do..or see..or think about..

I started my this original blog when I was in a miserable marriage, several of my friends had them and it seemed like a good way to de-stress and vent about the crap that was going on in my life..back then (2 years Oct.) I updated almost every day, sometimes several times a day, about whatever was on my mind and more crap he was pulling..it was easier than having to repeat it for everyone who would ask what was going on..I'd just give them the URL and say 'go read' *s*
I would also post if I found something interesting, and my views on stuff...

I don't know when I lost that..or maybe I just got out of the habit..
but with all thats going on now..I think I need to get it back..

I wish I could...
I work nights, I have never had a problem sleeping in the daytime, I keep my house dark (to dark at times) I like it that way, I think I would have made a great vampire..cept that whole blood thing, not that I'm squeamish I'm just not into making a meal of it..
however once I get woke up its VERY hard for me to go back to sleep for a while if I've gotten at least 3 hours, which is one of the main reasons I hate telemarketers!
today was a different story, my boss calls me today at around 1:00 pm
the middle of the 'night' to me
she NEVER does this..EVER..if she needs to talk to me she will leave me a note to say 'call me when you wake up' she is extremely conscious about me sleeping.
so needless to say when I figured out what time it was I was wide awake and worried!
"T (yes she really calls me that), I can't find your drop from Fri. night"
"WHAT?!"
now here you have to understand we are 'accountable' for every penny in our drawer and drop from our shift..my drop from that night was well over $400..which is very odd considering the shift I work and the fact that most ppl pay with credit cards these days.
it is also more than I make in a 2 week pay period (not counting overtime)
so I drag my ass out of bed and head down there
by the time I got there (less than 5 min) she had found the money..not the deposit slip or bag it was in but the money none the less..
I was so relived I sat right down on the floor in the middle of her office...thank goodness...and she of course apologized for waking me up..
so now..I can't sleep..I came back home, got ready for bed again, and lay there..staring at the walls, the ceiling, tried reading a book..no go..
good god I'm gonna pay for this tonight :-(

well it looks like I will have to return my techie-goddess crown
it seems I left a 'float' tag in my style sheet that was causing my layout to look totally f*&ked up..why it chose today to make itself known I have NO idea! fortunately my partner in tech geekness (and everything else) took pity on me, found and fixed it *s* thank you babe!
so I finally have a night off..granted only night this week I do but hey, sometimes OT is a good thing..and just in time because I think the whole world has totally gone off its rocker!
first off, work..as some (OK maybe 1 or 2) know I work nights. to be specific I'm a night auditor at the local Best Western. most nights are fairly tame, unless you get parents fighting over and with their kids and the cops get involved..but thats another post. on my shift its mostly me and my paperwork (from hell) and the occasional truck driver/weary traveler who just want a room and some sleep..most don't even bother to ask the price of the room, they don't care, they just want sleep.
but every once in a while you get the real 'bargain hunters'.. for example I had one last night come in and ask me the cost of a double room for one night. we do give discounts (corporate, AAA, AARP, and Military) they qualified for none of those, so when I told the guy (you could tell he was beat) what the price was he looked at his wife (?traveling companion) she said "no, not for that price" to him, then looked at me and said.."don't you give discounts for HEB employees?" I imagine I gave her the same look as I would have gotten if I'd gone into her HEB (grocery store) and asked if they gave discounts for Best Western employee's..needless to say I told her no.
then there are the ones who want to complain about how we do things..first off let me say we do NOT have a front desk system where I work..secondly when you stay at most motels and pay with a credit card they do not charge the card until you check out! third, I live in a VERY small town, we don't do things like they 'are in the big city' so coming in and comparing us to someplace you stay in Dallas and how they do it there is rather ridiculous don't you think? hell Dallas is only 2 hours away, if you like it so much better there that interstate in front of the property will take you right to it!
and if you need further proof that the world has gone mad..well the EX was acting human again today..BlueWolf stated that it seems to be only once a month that he does this and maybe he's having some sort of 'reverse period' type thing going on...I don't know enough about astrology to be able to say if its that or not..but something very strange is definitely going on lately...

well its been a fairly decent week
got the computers at work set up to share the internet connection and the printer, it's amazing how fast it went once my asst.-boss got out of there (note to self, never try to do anything w/ someone who thinks they know everything about everything around!) I mean heck, it took me less than an hour to get mine up and going at home, takes me over 4 to do it at work? (same thing, install the network cards, hook up the cable, and install the additional stuff it needs to work) all because he insists on coming in and 'helping' me get them done..grrrrr..just get the hell out of my way I know what I'm doing for Christs sake! so called "perfect people" really piss me off.
also got 2 MT comments remembering for someone who's wernt..that took a bit more troubleshooting but once I figured out how to access the settings in other areas wasn't to hard to go from there
so all in all not a bad week, as long as I can keep busy.

now for stuff posing as actual content

hope you had a great time at your party *s* wish I could be there to...and see I told you I'd post again *G*
glad to see your things are back where they belong..good luck this month (now about that "around the web" code..)
where are your archives??
love your redesign! umm..but the green mouseover color??
and your new weather pixie rocks! (love that purple hair)

I am trying to get back in the swing of things here, however most days little things (like sleeping, eating, etc..) take priority over blogging. besides sometimes I'm really not sure how much of myself I should put on here, as most of you know the last site got pulled after the ex found it and decided he needed to print it off so he could use everything I had written over the (more than) year and a half I had it against me..I was pretty open back then..and although I've been assured that he CANNOT use it in court except for verification purposes..it still bugs me...that was a rough time in my life and having it thrown back in my face on a regular basis is not easy, especially when its done by the person who caused all the pain...and still is.
I've pretty much come to the conclusion that to hell with him, I'll write what I want, and there really is nothing I could put on here that he doesn't know already (IE: that I think he's an asshole, about how I feel about BlueWolf, and that I'm actually on the internet) but as far as I know he still has not found this site, (correction, he couldn't find this site, he had to be told how to turn on a computer for Christs sake! (seriously!) someone found it for him) and wouldn't know where to look anyway..
I just want it all over with..*sighs*

I think I'm reaching that point where I hate the thought of redoing my site..

I've been working on templates (with major help in that area..thank you honey), graphics, etc.. for days now and I'm about to give up.
its not that I don't know how or what I'm doing..I do.
I'm just not happy with how its turning out..
OK it SUCKS
its not me..not at all..
*sighs* I think my major problem with it is I keep going back to my old site..the graphic, the title, all of it was perfect for me, (and I'm not the only one that says that)..but perfect for me in that point in time..I've moved on..
and hit a damn roadblock..
I can't seem to find anything that reaches out and grabs me like that image did..I HAD to use that..it was just what I had been looking for..
so I search..and comment..and tech support..write emails..and stall working on it..
shit maybe I need a nap.

In honor of my friend Jet I give you The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood Name Generator. Mine was Empress Still Night (using regular name) or Princess Chocolate Lover(using my nicname)..how appropriate on both of those..LOL.

and now...

All of my readers have been wonderful with this situation concerning my Grandma..I'm sure some of you are getting tired of reading about her..well if so go somewhere else today :-Þ
I have wonderful news on that front..it seems this lady that "wouldn't leave the hospital alive" according to her Dr's..is home *s* shes under hospice "type" care according to my mom..resting comfortably in her own home, and still feisty as hell...
according to my dad (who talked to her the other day) when he asked her if she wanted them to come up for a visit she said..and I quote.."well I guess I can put up with you guys for a couple days" (shaking head) yep sounds just like her..still hanging in there and still fighting, I wouldn't have expected any less.

now for something thats been going through my head lately..
I spend allot of time reading other blogs..lord knows I really should spend less time doing that and more on other stuff on here I need to do, but I digress..
and allot of the time something I see on them gets me thinking and leads to one of these posts *s*
I wonder sometimes..does anyone really have the 'right' to speak for a whole group of people..I mean we all have our feelings one way or another on certain matters, but isn't everyones situation different depending on themselves personally, where they live (be it country of origin or even place within that country) and themselves personally?
Yes I'm gay. Do I feel I have the right to speak for the whole gay 'community' because of that? heck no! the problems I face living in a small town in 'little Dixie' are much different than someone who lives in a larger town or a different area of the US. And I'm sure people in other country's face a whole different set of problems as well..maybe they are more accepting of things there..maybe not..but we need to remember that the Internet is a big place not only composed of people living in the USA and maybe the problems they face are not the same as the ones we do here.

now..this post I agree with..
I don't take it as a personal attack on gays (maybe cause I see more of it on het. blogs?) however, I take it as someone who doesn't want to read about what you do in your personal life..which is fine. however you have as much right to feel that way and not read it as someone else does to write it..if I see posts like that I move on..heck if I wanted to start a flame war god knows I've had enough posted in my own (past) comments and on other blogs of people who don't even KNOW me to do so..pick your battles..if its worth fighting then by all means do so..but if its just a missunderstanding..talk about it...discuss it..the Internet is a wonderful diverse place where we can all learn from each other..both on our differences and our similarity's..

Think about it

p.s. yes I am going to be changing my layout soon..so if things get crazy looking here you know why *s*

as it was pointed out to me this morning its been a while since I updated..(gee no kidding) so lets see, where to begin..
We were right, grandma doesn't know everything thats going on, come to find out she has 2 aneurysms (one on her aorta one on her stomach) its the one on her stomach thats getting bigger, they were caused by the cancer treatments they were giving her, and aggravated by the meds..so she is now off all meds and being given morphine *sighs* other than that I have no idea whats going on..
FINALLY got to see my kids this weekend!! they have been gone to their cousins the last 2 weeks (since school got out) so this weekend was spent at the park playing hide & seek, swinging on the swings (mental note: do that before eating next time!) playing Nintendo and snuggling on the couch with the 3 of them *big smiles* however I miss them like crazy already!! *pout*
found out this last week also that he did contact his lawyer..and filed for an extension *rolling eyes* so still waiting to see what kind of crap he comes up w/ on this case.

OK, now on another note..there has been some talk going around lately about real vs. web..is one more real than the other..well I don't know about you personally but I am a real person sitting here at this keyboard..(there are some I do tend to wonder about however..*g*)
I've been involved in 'Internet relationships', I've met some very dear people on this little machine..some have moved into my '3D' life, some will probably remain forever on here, does that make them any less of a 'friend' to me..no, I don't feel that it does. to me the definition of a friend is someone who is there for you, doesn't judge you, listens to you, kicks your ass when needed, etc...(and I know there are allot more things I want to say in regards to that however w/ as little sleep as I've had today I can't think of them, but most of it could probably be found Here)
I guess where I'm trying to go with this is that just because you don't see who's on the other side of the keyboard doesn't make them any less real or any less of a friend. I know there are exceptions (and I've meet a few of those to!) to this, but for the most part..well lets just say I would trust more people I've met on here rather than off...as this tends to be more anonymous at times and we feel more open to be ourselves rather than worry what others we meet irl will think, making us put up the walls and don the masks that tend to go along with that..
*shrugs* just my opinion on the matter...

first off I would like to say to all who commented and wrote me personally, thank you very much for your support, it really does mean allot.
dad spoke to her yesterday and really at this point does not know how aware she is of the situation..which pisses me off..imho she should have the right to spend her last days as she chooses..ie: with her family around her, and her family should be able to choose if they want to go spend time with her w/o having to worry about her getting suspicious! She is not a fragile person..maybe her condition is but she is NOT and if anyone can beat this thing it would be her..trust me on that one!

in other news..the kids are out of school here, and mine are down at their uncles w/ their father..only problem with this is I have no clue when they will return as I keep getting the "well I have to work you know" song and dance routine..somehow I doubt seriously this will look very good for him with our upcoming custody case..I could be wrong but I don't think so.

and while I'm at it I might as well throw in my .02 about the link debate going on (heck not that its worth that much *g*)
I link who I read..the only difference between the regular/new/occasional reads over there is whether or not you update regularly, or if I've recently started reading your blog..(the difference in the other 2 links is obvious I think *s*)
do I have all my reads listed? not yet.
do I read other peoples links? you bet I do..I've surfed through many of your link lists.
am I linked on all the sites listed? no.
does that mean I'm going to 'delink' anyone? again, no. I don't do that without a very good reason..say you fell of the face of the earth and stopped posting..
and with that said..I'm off to update that list ;-)

yaknow I really miss my disclamer...

Hello and welcome to my blog. If you offend quickly,
jump to conclusions, hate typo's and lousy punctuation then you probably need to go
back to where you came from! If not, feel free to stay, you might however,
find out more about me than you care to know but...
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."
--Andrè Gide

I read several blogs daily, some weekly...some just on occasion. depending on how often they are updated, what has never ceased to amaze me is when someone goes off on a roll on their blog about how other people write on their own blogs. who really gives a shit?
when I go read I'm not looking for grammar, spelling or punctuation..heck I could care less, I go to find out whats going on w/ that particular person, to find out how things are in their lives, (and maybe to find the latest test *g*) perhaps they have a way of observing something I hadn't thought of or much about. heck even when I read someones I don't care for I can find something interesting..in some cases more so than on friends sites..but one thing I never do is try to sit and edit or judge them..
I mean if thats why I'm going there why bother?

I've sat down to this thing at least a 1/2 dozen times this week and every time thought it best to let it be for the time being..

I've finally come to realization that it doesnt matter..as a good friend of mine said 'Your real friends know and will stand by you through this' she's right, I'm not going to sit and allow myself to become as bitter as she is over something I know (and so does she) is a lie..if the truth someday does come out, wonderful, but even if it doesnt those that are important know what it is and so do you, and no amount of saying otherwise will change those facts.

enough of that BS

numbnuts was digging yesterday, I found out that he FIANALLY got served w/ papers..bout friggin time..and concted some story about my youngest saying that I had gone to the courthouse..yea right, good one..now of course he's doing his damndest to turn my kids against me w/o actually seeming like thats what he's up to..he had my oldest in tears on the phone w/ me last night as his go between, and I did the hardest thing I've ever done, I told my son I would not disscuss it with him as he was way to young to be worrying about it and not to call me about it anymore..
thankfully all was forgiven this morning as far as my kids went, they went for a weekend trip w/ him and when i went over to see them before they left it was all hugs and I love you mommys and your the bestest mommy in the whole world from all..i hope and pray they know deep down that what I'm trying to do is what I really feel is best for them w/o all the head games and such that he puts them through...if I was never certain before I was last night after I heard what he had been and was telling them *sighs*
T-19 days and counting..I can't wait for this crap to be over...

well gee..been here just over a week and I'm already starting to rant *rolling eyes*
where do I begin..oh hell lets start w/ the sob I used to be married to..
who has the bad habit of telling the kids ghost stories when he takes them to his brothers house as he did last weekend..ok this is not a problem for my oldest and youngest however my middle child is rather sensitive and also tends to take things somewhat seriously..needless to say he gets scared..so last night due to this he was afraid to stay at my house (away from his dad, who could protect him from such things *major eye roll here*) so I had to return him to his dads house..grrrrrrrrr...this child has NEVER been afraid to be here before and on several occasions has stayed here w/ me by himself w/o his brothers..and now this asshole wants to try to tell me 'its not my fault' yea right go blow smoke up someone elses ass why dont ya

second rant has to do w/ the online group I'm in..why is it ppl expect that when you join something others must fall all over you? you get out of things what you put into them and if your not willing to put anything into it then well..dont come crying to me..I really hate the 'poor pitty me' routine..I can tolerate almost anything but someone whos going to bitch and moan and not do anything about it is my biggest pet peave...if your going to bitch and moan to me then please be doing something to change the situation or I dont wanna hear it!

ok well i think its time to end this little rant session..as I need to get my ass to class *g*

ok..praying that this will make the #@!$&* thing line up right!