Elegante Mother

Most of you who have come to read know that Elegante Mother is developing dementia. I’m at the point where I have to begin a series of tasks that I’d like to stave off.
Tuesday, My-Sister-The-Nurse, our brother, and I will be visiting the lawyer to discuss the subject of elder law in relation to Elegante Mother. Should EM outlive her liquid assets, we have to know what steps are necessary to ask Medicaid to take over her care. EM is presently living in a senior retirement village with 24/7 care.
Unfortunately, I think it’s also time to speak with funeral home personnel to determine what we need to do to set up funeral plans. We have been advised by a number of people that we have to have these plans and funding in place before we speak to Medicaid.
EM’s demise is not imminent. I think she may be with us for some time to come, and that’s why I have encouraged my siblings to gather the information we will likely need. I think we need to give her assets and her care the same diligence we would give our own.
It’s very difficult to be thinking about these subjects in relationship to my mother. It’s very difficult to be pragmatic when in my mind I’m thinking, “I can see you in there, come out and play!” I see the flash of intelligence, the quirk of humor, the raised eyebrow that was so EM, every now and then, but soon, even those brief glimpses will go. And it’s best that we be prepared.

3 thoughts on “Elegante Mother

  1. Kitty–You are teaching some of us. Having never dealt with Medicaid (so far, knock on wood, no one in my family has drawn it), I had no idea that funeral plans were required. Among you and your sisters, you seem to be well ahead of the game. I’m just sorry that you sisters and your EM have to go through all of this. Would that none of us ever did.

  2. Cop Car, we had the meeting with our lawyer to discuss elder law, and discovered that it’s likely that Elegante Mother will not have to deal with Medicaid. That was quite a relief. I also asked her (Wonderful Advocate) our questions concerning funeral plans, and she advised me to talk to the funeral home, get a contract, and show that contract to her. She will assist us in finding the best way to set the money aside for Mother’s funeral.
    I’m not fond of dwelling on this subject, but I have to tell you that I feel better, knowing how to handle what surely will come. Perhaps the best thing an adult child can do when faced with guiding a parent through their final years is to have excellent advisors in finance and legal matters. It’s made a huge difference to me to be able to turn to people who have the expertise to help both me, and Elegante Mother.

  3. We have friends that are going thru this very thing. They have to prepay anything that their mother might use (such as the funeral / burial plot and storage units – she has a lot of stuff that she refuses to get rid of). Also WS’s family went thru this several years ago (gosh, has it really been like 10 years ago?)
    Medicare won’t kick in until everthing that EM has has been spent, so there will be nothing left for funerals and what not if they aren’t pre-paid. It’s not a pleasant thought, trying to get everything taken care of beforehand, but it is neccessary in order to spare everyone later down the road.

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