Catching up

...with those of you who have been reading here. We're still on track for Elegante Mother to come home this coming Saturday (July 19th). We are marking the days off the calendar, and encouraging her to do all the therapists ask of her. I mentioned to her today that she would be having visits from therapists at home, and she wasn't overjoyed.

Cop Car and Blue Witch left such good comments on earlier posts, that I wanted the chance to bring them to your attention. Their advice is "spot on."

Cop Car wrote: "EM is not a child, but she is a very small adult. A smaller plate with smaller portions might help her address food that she has little interest in. As an ombudsman, I occasionally "counseled" an aide not to insist that a resident eat more than she cared for. For some reason, the staff were fearful that a resident might actually lose weight. Losing weight, contrary to my own experience, is a normal process of aging, unless one regularly lifts weights, etc. In the case of the nursing home residents, more food was replacing the lost muscle mass with fat. (Can't you just see EM with an ounce of fat on her! *g*)"

CC....EM is supposed to be getting smaller portions, but her tray comes with a huge amount of food. She is already saying, "NO, I can't eat that." before she even sees what's on the plate. I've been advised to use smaller plates with her. I'll work harder at not overwhelming her with too much food. EM HAS lost weight. She's down about 10 pounds over the past 6-9 months. It worries me, but it doesn't seem to worry her doctor, so I'll be quiet about it. Our physician told me not to nag her to eat, and I've been trying to behave. Today, she refused her entire tray. So I moved the peach pie, her coffee and the cup of thickened water to the side of the tray closest to her. I set a baggie of Wheat Thins near the tray, as well as a bag of Bing cherries. I sat quietly for a bit, and then buttered the hamburger bun they called a dinner roll. She ate close to half of it. I sat a bit longer, and asked if she would try a taste of the pie. She ate the entire piece. I gave her a note pad and asked her to write down what she might like to have to eat when she comes home. We talked about several meals that she said sounded good, and I was pleased to hear it wasn't just dessert. I think the most difficult challenge we face is getting EM re-hydrated. She dislikes the thickened liquids, so I'm hoping the swallow test she is supposed to take will move her off that restriction before we go home.

Blue Witch said: "Refusing food is often the only way older (and younger) people have of exerting some control over their worlds. This is particularly true of those used to being very independent who suddenly find themselves institutionalised. It also secures a great deal of attention (albeit of a negative kind) for them as refusing to eat is something that is a very emotive issue. Does she enjoy fruit smoothies or soups? Often 'drinking' is a great way of getting good food into people who can't face solids (and you can always add unseen vitamins or minerals to the mix).
Will you be able to get some extra help in to support you in caring for her if she comes home?"

Blue Witch, Elegante Mother IS exerting control by refusing her meals. She knows we won't let her starve, and she enjoys all the attention she's getting. It's going to be more difficult when we go home, and she has to become accustomed to less attention. Still, I think she will do better at home. Smoothies are a great idea. My youngest sister and her husband have introduced them to us, and I know that EM would enjoy all the summer fruit blended that way. She also likes several of the soups I make.

On the subject of "help"....My-Sister-The-Nurse will be with us for the first two days, to help EM settle in. We will be getting occupational and physical therapist visits perhaps three times a week for up to six weeks. We are going to look for part time help to bathe EM, and provide her care while I work. My sister has posted a note to the family members on the computer, asking for sitting help, so that Dear Husband and I can get away at least once a week. We may also have to either alarm the doors, or find a nighttime sitter, if we can not get EM to stay in bed during the night.

It seems like a LOT to deal with. We'll just have to see how things turn out. If she is not safe here, we'll have to look into a facility, but that will be our last choice.

Ladies, thank you for your good advice. I appreciate being able to call on your experience. You make a fine support network! Thanks, again!